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为了自己，我得这样做。这里的一切真美好。

To my meow.

Hello wa~

How have you been? Guess you're very free now, after exams and all hectic things, must be feeling happier at home lu. I don't know why am I writing this but something just triggered my feeling to write something for you and myself, without you knowing, without me losing it since I'm a clumsy and forgetful person. Sounds pathetic, but sometimes, we just have to. Okay no, please don't feel so.. man..

So.. How wan ya :3  Must be very happy at home o, have your best bed and all the good food, not to forget, siblings that makes you happy. If you're going to work with your uncle in Cameron Highlands then it will be great since the environment is a lot better there. You will like it there after such stressful month you had. 4 months of break is sweet, I wish I have it too :)

Time is moving faster, I managed to finish my freelance work so that I can start planning and applying jobs. Where to start from? Singapore? With our Malaysian currency like this, Singapore is a better choice tho, most of them agreed on this. Nevermind, apply first, decide later, haha! I was checking my emails few minutes ago and I typed in your email address at the search bar and boom, everything popped out, our emails and some backed up hangout messages. I remember reading them when we broke up, everything, it gave me chills. This could be the reason I am writing this. Everytime we are about to break up, we used to write a long long message/ letter to each other, but this time, we didn't. You probably don't even care expressing yourself to me anymore.

There's many empty plastic bottles at home and I have decided to turn them into my dumbbell, pretty health conscious lately! My muscles are getting obvious now, but it made me look fatter :/  I guess you too na, no muay thai for some time already, plus your back got problem, also didn't update me about your back wan. Hope you're okay na, rub rub meow back. Like an old grandpa already o! Have you imagined how will we look like when we're 70 or 80 years old if we are still alive? I think you'll still look thin, but of course, many many wrinkles, probably more than me, haha. Hmm, I never thought that I will fall sick, like honestly, I'm seldom sick. So that 2 days I felt so shitty, useless much, because I'm supposed to go get my portfolio back. Mana tau fell sick for 2 days! The second night was very saddening, because I am all alone, thinking about what you'll do to take care of me when I'm sick. Couldn't help myself crying like a kid again. You told me you would suck out all the mucus in my nose when I cry, and every time I will laugh, it's too funny and you actually tried to suck it once! I miss these little moments so much.

You know what, sometimes I can totally picture you lying down in bed, or doing things like how you used to at home. 5 years, we actually became friends for 5 years! I know every angle of you and I can imagine you are here, cool huh? I wonder if you do the same. :)  I like you calling me Xiaomi and bao bei alot. Meow meow mi ya, when I think about you, it was always the happy memories, I feel like I couldn't have you anymore now, and future. It all became our past and memories. The moment my mother open her luggage, I knew I will keep and hug the pillow all the time, with my little Mr Faiz. It was one of the happiest moments, as you know receiving presents from you is rare, and it was a big one! together with a note book and a wooden soldier sculpture.. I really really like it, I don't even put anything on it, just for hugging. The urge of texting you is strong, still, but I simply can't do that, I know if I do that, I won't be appreciated anymore. So I can only let it be, let time pass and accept the worst if you're not gonna look for me forever.

What other choice do I have?

Those days when we can bath and take a shit together were the best, we're really comfortable with each other and can do disgusting things that grosses us out afterwards. Like no distance between our minds, like no wall between us, things were so much easier and simpler back then. I obviously know there will be a tough route for us to continue our journey together, but if we don't stand strong ourselves, nobody can help us. If our love is so strong, nobody can stop us.

All I wanted, is to be with you until I die, I'd rather be like this. But maybe, I missed the chance to. I never though of this would happen to us. If I turned 60 without being together with you, I wish you're happy with your life that way, living it to the fullest until we disappear in this world. Ah meowa.. my ben ben naughty meow.. Still got naughty naughty not? Be guai okay? I love you, very very much baby. I do love you.

New Blog

Still editing the blog, under "renovation". HAHAHAHA

http://theunknowncosmos.blogspot.com/

And finally, I am preparing my new blog for my new life.
New diary! Better design, better feeling!

Thinking of making an illustration blog.
hmm......

Stimming

Quote of the day :

" Perfectionism is something from morons. "
- Stimming, 2015


HAHAHAHAHHAHAA.




Here's a cool interview of Stimming, Dj / Electronic artist from Germany. (2nd vid)
If I never met Csaba, I don't think I will get to know this talented artist.
From his work and interviews, you can tell that he is really precise,
he got his strong thinking behind how his music should be and fell by audiences.
This video of him playing using 4DSOUND founded by Paul Oomen is really awesome,
gigs like this is a +++, MUST GO!!!
It's sensational!!! These pillar like speakers are installed in different places,
this changes the experiences of the sound controlled by the DJ on tablets.
Check how the sound system works below!
To him, it's not only beats and waves. It's definitely more than that.
Hello, he listens to classical.

ARGH! He's so cool and cute! OHHH FAINT.

女生的頭都不能亂摸

不管幾歲，女生的頭都不能亂摸，摸了就會出事。

會瞬間開啟戀愛模式。

(與友人閒聊有感)

- Ridiculous Dream Make Love (facebook)

I agree. 

HAHAHAHAHA

Shaman King KZB

Throughout all these years after Shaman King Original have ended with a brief and unexpected ending,
I should have been googled about the ending and discover Shaman King Kang Zeng Bang!!!

Kang Zeng Bang / Zankenban is basically "the complete version", 完全版,
released after many years the original version finished requested by many fans.
Seems like the artist was having a hard time when you read the letter in the last chapter of the original.
Funbari No Uta, Shaman King Zero, Shaman King Flowers were released
after Kang Zeng Bang/Kanzenban/KZB.
There you will read stories about Yoh Asakura's and Anna's son.
Oh yeah, you gotta continue reading everything from chapter 265 onwards (KZB),
the story is very different compare to the original version.
I can see slight difference in the artist's illustrating style,
also some parts of the KZB story is a little messy....
Ah but at least I know a lil bit more about Shaman King.

Now, part of my life is complete.




Here's KZB online :

Kang Zeng Bang 


And a post talking about the sequence and the extras.

Post

Goosebumps

You must know Akira (1988) and Ghost in The Shell if you're into cyberpunk.

And if you're into percussion, wow.

Was digging out the soundtrack again few days ago and wow, goosebumps all way long.

I checked some interviews and videos about the making of Akira's soundtracks, found out that
they are actually influenced by Bali's percussion instruments!
The music composer and founder of Geinoh Yamashirogumi is actually a Japanese artist and Scientist. WOW!!!!
I like the way the composers compose music for this 2 animations.
Very strong cultural and spiritual music, sci-fi yet authentic, futuristic but still traditional in some ways.
I love the choir + simple percussion line in Kaneda's theme, URGH!!!!

Also I personally think the idea of the line Kiyoko says in Akira (1988)
"the thing about Akira's power is everyone has it at the start." is the same as Lucy (2014) 's concept
of exploring the limits of using human brains. 
Just that Lucy is more scientific. 
Like, actually everyone is able to expand and control the "power" beneath them if they know how to do so.
Scientifically this theory is not proven but it's a futuristic sci fi thought of 
the future of humans and technology. Very interesting. 
Who knows what will happen in the future? 
*AKIRA VS LUCY* JENG JENG JENG*

Inspiring isn't it?
I admire how the Japanese think about the future, in manga and animations.
Like Paprika (2006) VS Inception (2010).
Seriously Paprika needs to be more recognised!
Here's a blog post writing about the difference between Paprika and Inception.

"Paprika and Inception are films based on essentially the same concept: that a technology has been created which can access people’s dreams, people can watch others’ dreams and enter them. InPaprika, the technology is in the hands of scientists but is stolen by a criminal who hacks into dreams, controlling people and causing reality-bending chaos. Inception uses similar ideas but the dream-hacking technology is used by warring bands of super intelligent bandits and strange secret organisations to hack into the dreams of the rich and powerful in order to subtly influence them. Really, the two stories go in fairly different directions from the outset."

By (click to see the post)

After all these written stuff, it reminded me of the live-action remake of Mamoru Oshii's 1995 anime masterpiece, Ghost in the Shell.

Actually I am very disappointed when they select Scarlett Johansson to play the 

main character of Ghost In The Shell in the film remake, probably releasing in 2017.

It confuses my interpretation of the original animation.

The cultural background, OST etc.

It will be westernised. Not that authentic anymore. So sad. :(

It's one of the classic in japanese animation man. 

I'm happy that Akira will remain the same, no remakes.

So, enjoy :

What No Budget Really Means

I found this I thought it's nice to share it out.


http://xandriaooi.co/2015/02/347/

OHM

Finished 2 epic animation and edited quite a lot of my client's photos in 2 days!
Feeling much motivated when I'm alone here.

Although I did not really put much time in doing my own work since
I'm with my grandma and mother, preparing ingredients for chinese new year food,
kuih, etc, I am glad that we arrive Cameron Highlands earlier than before.
At least we could really relax and communicate fully with the old ones.

Today, I used my very first ang pau money to get some new year decoration stuff for my
grandma's place. Her old ones are really really old and dusty, color even faded away,
so I thought I could use some money to replace some of the new year deco.
Heheh, looks better now! And it will look even better in future.

Other than my parents, my love for my grandmother is infinite.
I think I gave her the most money so far. HAHAHAHAHA.
Simply enjoy to see and hear her expression through phone when she found money
under her pillow or anywhere in her room.
It's the same feeling when I feed stray animals, their joyful expression is satisfying.

G R O S S

So my friend told me about the panties case today.
haha was actually quite a loud story.

Okay in short it's about her 28 years old brother in law who's letting
his mother in law (my friend's mother) (not saying which friend is this) washes
his clothing including panties, handkerchief and socks.
You know, most traditional families choose to wash these by hand, same goes
to my friend's family, hand wash!

Her mother washes her panties and maybe her husband's? I'm not sure,
but touching other's panties feels really gross to me.
And is it appropriate to let your mother-in-law wash your panties?
I believe everyone who wears panties knows that panties, bra, are very private in both western and asian culture.
Obviously it sticks to your private parts half a day and have your own germs on it.
Stinks and it has so much germs that you cannot imagine, sometimes liquid?

Hello, you're freakin' 27 years old and you still don't know how to wash your own panties?
Such a shame.  何况自己生活过很多年。
I'm 22 years old already and I wash my own when I bath then just let my mother
simply 过水 and dry them as she washes her's and my dad's. (when im home I help my mother to dry all the cloths)

Will you let you daughter, son, let their mother/father - in- law do these panties washing?

*shakes head*

It will be more than impossible to let my mother washes my husband's panties.
HAND WASH BRO, HAND WASH. I don't even want to touch my boyfriend's panties.
要你老公，老婆的妈妈弯下身子帮你洗你的内裤。
你好不好意思，你自己想想看咯。

If you are reading this, whoever you are, think about it.
You will have your own family, and your own parents in law, or in future your kids will have.
Will you do this to you parents in law? or let your kids do so?
Sigh, right, this world won't be perfect.
So start doing things right, at least to make the society better.

Faith

Okay I start losing faith in trusting men.
Too many stories.


Will I have a good boyfriend / husband in future? : /

自信

Bought this necklace in Chatuchak Market, Bangkok 2 years ago.
Origami swans! 

我爱这围巾！

姐姐分享了一篇文章，有着很多比较胖的自信女孩照片，
打扮时尚魅力，美丽完全不输苗条女生哦！
外国很多plus size bloggers, plus size models 等，多靠他们，plus size 的时尚市场渐渐红起来。
英国有plus size model agencies, 模特都非常可爱自信！是他们让自卑的女性打开心门更爱自己。
我比以前胖很多，以前瘦一些都觉得很不自信，何况现在？
所真的我还没有胆量出街穿无袖衣。总觉得别人在批评。。觉得我难看。。

哎。不过昨晚参加晚宴，我还好咯。
比较自信一些，看见很多嘉宾都是胖胖的，但打扮很美丽，非常有自信！
very inspired. 我也会慢慢自信起来的。 :)

Frustration

Other than design work, I haven't been soooooo frustrated.


Tonight gonna be big, full of dad's colleagues, relatives and strangers.
So, I got my hair done last month, happy, and some new make up tools, excited.
BUT I did not prepare anything to wear, cause I think I have enough?
Somehow I brought a green blouse for CNY only, feeling unsatisfied......

So...... SHOPPING!

In ipoh.
HAHAHAHA. The decent ones are fashion boutiques rather than shopping malls,
cause yeah Ipoh is not that updated in fashion, still.
I was very happy, cause my mother were trying out dresses too, we finished our chores in the
morning and went shopping after that.
Okay I quite like a few maxi dress and when I put it on.
OH MY GOD DISGUSTING.

And every time I try one, I felt more gross.

It's tight, some are unfit, overall, disastrous.
My heart broke and I almost cried in the fitting room.
And the saddest thing is, my mother wasn't telling me the truth, that
some looks awful, or some made me look fatter.
That's really sad.
People who knows who I am knows talking to me must be straightforward,
if not I won't understand how you actually feel.

At the end of the day, my shopping mood from 200% dropped to 0%.
No hope at all.
In the UK it's easy for me since most lines have up to size 16 clothing.
My upper body is size 12 but my ass is 14. So yeah.
It's impossible to find something big in fashion boutiques.
Asian sizes are smaller that Europeans.

I immediately bought vegetables to cook at night.
Diet diet diet.
I don't have a tiny bit of confidence now.
As I walk pass people, my mind will constantly tell me " they find you big, fat and ugly".


Kay, enough of complaints.


I need more time to change myself completely, especially my body.
Actually I know the main reason of me being so bloated is not food but my daily routine,
okay I slept at 1am yesterday, I'm such a good girl already.
And sooner I will spend more effort in changing my routines.
No worries, just feeling very sad all of sudden.

J O B L E S S

Am I the only one who's not having a full time job now?



A week ago, someone told my mother that I shouldn't wander around jobless,
being so chillax at home right in front of me.
Erm, hello, as everyone knows I have already graduated and came back from The UK,
true, no full time job but maybe people shouldn't just assume I am very laid back without asking
for more information about my status.
I am currently occupied with freelance work, just finished another job from my dad,
and another hand I have a long term freelance work to do with my ex classmate Su Tien.
Building a brand for her fitness and healthy living gym isn't easy.
Also I took up a graphic design volunteer for a non profit organisation, and yeah,
charity ain't easy too, they don't have much knowledge in design and file preparation,
so I have to repeat many things in tight deadline.
I have spent a few hours doing that between 11pm - 2 am because the person
in charge of all information has classes to teach and other event roadshow to do.

After not seeing everyone for more than a year, I have the responsibility to accompany my mother
to visit my dearest grandparents.
Then, a few days spent. I gotta go out with my parents for breakfast when my sisters are not around,
and sometime fetch my eldest sister out to do some chores who's living in Ipoh too, half day gone.
Night, when my dad's around I must to have dinner with him cause it's rare to see him home.
My mother is a fit person, so she always drag me to Polo Ground to jog, as you can see I gained at least 10kg after one year in UK.

Come back to my freelance work, hello, I don't really have much time yo.
If I go for a fulltime without finishing everything on hand, do you think I have time for
my unfinished works? My clients will totally hate me.
So common sense, I cannot get a full time before I finish my job.
My clients have things to do too, so they cannot reply me right away on the same day.
I can only prepare more designs and work on other stuff I have when I have some time.
As a human being, I need to eat sleep shit too right?


I felt so offended on the spot.
You haven't even ask what am I doing so far.
Now I see why you don't have a boyfriend after so long.

I hate it when people ASSUME something without confirming what's going on.
And I find it very offensive when someone close to me doubts my morality,
example : Don't you dare doing something hurtful to your dad.
WHAT ON EARTH MAKES YOU THINK I WILL HURT MY DAD,
IN FACT I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH PLEASE.
DID WE JUST MET? DAMN.


Kay, that's all.
Just saying.