LATE LATE LATE l HATE LATE

This 3 months is my worst period in my life.
Keep submitting late late late. Please kill meh.
This semester break must be a really really well planned break.
No more slumber at home no more TV.

Yes to freelance, illustration animation book making.
USH!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIFE SKETCHING!
YOU ON ANOT?!


I know my opacity quite low among friends.
I can feel it.
Some even said I look untouchable, cannot take big jokes.
Well people do judge on book covers. :/
How? How to break the image of a serious and untouchable person?


(who knows actually I'm the one bullying people among my secondary friends.The one who laughed damn loud.)

0 existence

0 existence.
Me and one of my sister have this problem.
Existence is so low in people's eyes in a group.

I don't know mannnn I just feel it.

WAO!!!

I hate it when I'm being quiet or something.
Not enjoying the aura sometimes, probably because I am stressful and tired.

Been so tired this few days.
But surprisingly meeting after dinner today goes pretty well!
We got progress in short time! Maybe we already have the big idea of how are we doing it.
Awesome. GREAT!!! I can feel it!!!
We're all mixing well!!!
We got this babeh. we got this!

research blog.

Feel free to read those interviews.
Stefan Sagmeister and stuffs.


http://bookmarks1225.tumblr.com/


And some 38 things.


http://njoeflash.tumblr.com/

惭愧。至极。不过。

今天是很恐怖的一天。

这个semester,发生了很多第一次。
－第一次迟交assignment. for 2 subjects.
－第一次没有做presentation.
－第一次赶到那么没面子
－第一次感到没脸见人
－第一次感到非常非常弱小


没有做presentation, 是我最在乎的。
明明做出来的我满意，水然不是很满意但是我觉得我进步了。
但我慢了一拍，我没办法在限定的时间内做完，我迟了。
而且发生了3次。

就是很难，我的技巧，虽说有进步，但是不懂怎么的，
我很慢。。真的很讨厌。
我了解自己为什么会那样，没吃早餐，没有做运动，
三餐不定时，而且我发觉到很严重的是。。
我做research..太久了，一直看别人的东西，却耽误了自己的时间。
而且，我不因该接生意。大错特错。
这次，我懂了，我再也不会犯错了。
这三个月，够了，要过完了，不要再来了。


我沮丧，很气馁。
但是我还有同学为我打气。
而且还是不是很熟的那种！！jingfoong是一个，常常在我身边为我打气，鼓励我。
我实在是很高兴啊。。还为我买了两粒currypuff!
说担心我不怕自己半生不死。啊啊哈哈哈哈 废到。。。。。

没错我现在极度自卑。
我很没脸，但是我就是要更厚脸皮，再来做得更好！！！
我要晴天！！！！！！
呵呵，感觉有进步。。希望我在graphicdesign里头会做得比现在更好！
看了Stefan Sagmeister's interviews, books and stuffs.
很敬佩。。很敬佩。。
刚好他是我的essay case study,现在更深入了解他，
觉得好厉害。。。。。很有想法。。。

‘the computer is just a tool’ if you believe that, you are a tool.'
-Stefan Sagmeister.




＊＊＊恐怖的事。＊＊＊＊

没想到我载jingfoong回家，下车玩玩猫咪，竟然会发生如此不幸的事。
我们两站在家门口谈未来的事，谈谈下，
一辆车飞快地经过我们。
但是我看见有只猫咪刚好冲过，不过没听见声音，就以为他逃过了。
忽然jing说，喂那只猫咪在干什么？
我看见的是一只母猫，看向一边，一直看好像很奇怪似的。。
我过去看。。慌了。 是那只冲过来的猫咪，在地上挣扎，没有呻吟。
完完全全好像鬼上身那样，很恐怖，记得有一次在怡保，妈妈开车载着我，
我就看见对面马路有只猫咪，相同的事，挣扎，更厉害的蹦蹦跳跳着。。
非常恐怖，很想下车去救它，但是没办法，车开了，而且马路很多车。。

我眼前，一条生命经过几秒钟的挣扎，就那样没了。

我和她，什么也做不到。
有兽医吗？！这里没有但我家附近有。。
我就想，来得及吗？
赶快抬他走！
有两只大猫咪站在旁边，守着小猫，好像担心我们会伤害她那样。。
没办法，一下子，猫咪断气了，地上留着一滩血。。
我们很讨厌什么也做不到的感觉。
jing去拿报纸时，猫妈妈就像前观察了猫咪，舔舔他的头。嗅一嗅，坐在他身旁。。
很悲。。我只能蹲在隔壁看着。。
过了不久我们把它移到报纸上，然后再放进鞋盒里。。
猫妈妈有点慌，不懂我们在干嘛。。
但是还是跑前来看了看。。一直在守着。
生命啊。来得容易，走的更容易。几秒钟，根本来不及珍惜些什么。
猫妈妈也在短短的几秒里失去了孩子。


我们讨论了很久，最后决定把鞋盒封住，以免引来蛇虫鼠疫。
也避免淋雨，晒太阳，以免发臭的更快。
把鞋盒放进纸袋里包着。。放在家门口外面。。
然后明天我们就将他埋了吧。
猫妈妈还在看。然后一直守护着小猫咪。。
其实不算小，是teenage猫咪吧。
我和jing更沮丧。。然后我也回家了。。
路上，我驾的特别小心。。
很小心。。

Been days.

"Sleep is for the weak."


Agree cause YES we tahan longer so we sleep later!!!
BUT IN A SENSE!!!
I disagree.

Cause geng people plan their time well and finish earlier.
So sleep is for the geng.



ARGH!!! I feel so dead right now.
Stressful when I think of tomorrow.
Dying. Hard one.
Gotta be damn lot of people tomorrow morning starting from 7a.m. in the
printing store.
Too bad Mummy Design opens late. If not sure print my stuffs there.
I feel quite okay with what I printed just now.
Although 11 p.m only eat breakfast. :P
**sorry mama**

This is a scary week

Re edited the picture, taken last year if not mistaken.
In Sunway Pyramid.

Tomorrow, no, later in morning got class straight until 5. Might be late some more.
Oh yes this groupwork gonna be epic. AH!
Nevermind, I kinda enjoy my editing job though. :D
Did not know that Sammy is living very near actually!
And hmm, I kinda think I cannot drive and recognize road at night. Hardly recognize.
I took 10 minutes to reach her place that actually can be there in 3 minutes.
Man, I also got a bit confused on the way back home too although Sammy did show me the way.
Ah, rabun malam ke?


Sigh! Essay need to pass up on tuesday.
Friday Imagery. Next monday the huge one.
AHHHHH... Im dying soon.
I can feel that my body is weak right now, just started period today.
URGHHH here pain there pain.
Why sickness/ period always clashes these time when I need a lot of midnight working days!
What you wish for always never appear, what you dislike will always be around you.

Macam yes..........



Sometimes. I feel darn guilty after having a sense of dislike.
What I mean is dislike a person.
I always find that they are actually okay to be with although you know what's up behind.
I feel darn bad now. Seriously bad.
Hate myself for being so ignorant, for being so 心胸狭窄。
往往都是把看人看得太快，后来才发觉哦，原来还不差。
对不起。我实在太坏了。不应该这样。
当然还是小人之心不可无，但不代表对人要不诚恳。

真心对待朋友，无论到最后是你的知己，拍档，还是路过的朋友，
都无所谓，最重要的是你全心全意对待他人。
我觉得那样才对得起自己。
今天开始，我决定了。
我不要有‘我不喜欢这个人’的想法存在。。
就算真的不好相处，也应该说‘不合拍，click不到，没能做close friends的程度’，
‘算了吧，没有缘。’等。。

其实我发觉我是那样，但是最经也不知为什么我就这样。
可能想起往事吧。特别记仇。。我不会记住小事，有些大事，很难忘记。
我现在，实在是个很糟糕的人。。。。


妈妈，我忽然很想妈妈。

was staying u late with groupmates just now, doing groupwork,
but since I did not lock the wooden door and there's nobody at home,
so I need to go home and continue my work.
Before that, mother keep calling me, making sure that I am safe or something,
I actually feel happy, I don't feel annoyed.
She waited for my call until 1 something, when I got home.
I cannot really go back so fast cause I haven't finish work, but cannot stay so late so yeah I finally
have to guts to say I need to go home la.
If not I feel bad to other groupmates who's staying there doing work.

Every mother in this world loves their child.
I feel the love from my mother, i feel so happy, I am being cared.
Really really happy. I actually like to walk into my studyroom sometimes,
to read those notes my mother and sister left me on the pin board.
Funny, and so warm.
I have these strong feeling of happiness and sense of appreciation when I was in form5.
I started to feel sad when I go out without my mother, feel sad when she's not visiting me,
not calling me, not around with me.
I started to feel worried about my future without them around.
Feeling moody too, when I miss my mother, even cried when I miss her and grandmother.
Sometimes I cry for my sisters too. What the heck. HAHAHAHA!
I love them and I know it, maybe I express it less but still, I do love them all.
I actually feel so sad when my sister go back to Ipoh few days ago.
It's like her dogs, feeling sad when their master is not around, or leaving them.

Am I a dog or something?




Nah.. I think..
我只是一个蛮重感情的人？
情绪化又怪的人。

来了这里，我开始看得清楚我到底是个怎样的人。
其实我发觉我还蛮孤僻的。
非常爱哭。
哎。我姐姐说家里最小的很多pattern.
不过我觉得比其他人，我觉得我算比较懂事一点了咯。。
因为姐姐都很大了嘛。。至少不会犯愚蠢的错误。
至少懂一些东西比较快。


不过我发觉到我爱哭到。。真的好像。。
太容易哭了吧？？？哭点太低！

What took me so long

After talking to a UH senior, I finally understands how I feel for past 2 years studying in GD pathway.
I think one of the reason of me being not productive and creative is because I don't even
enjoy doing this- graphic design.
I clearly how myself feel when I receive briefs from our GD lecturer.
I feel nothing but stress.
.
.
.
stress yo.
(people who follows this blog reads about the same issue for years XD)



Now only I know actually I am okay with both pathways and I did learnt a lot from GD.
but still, what I enjoy the most is illustrations.
I don't say I hate graphic pathway, not to say I dislike, but I would say I less enjoy la.
I still love to follow graphic designers and check out works and pin works from them.
Illustrations, not fine art lo.
Not talking about illustration the whole page, but applying illustration or concepts on GD stuffs.
It works, just like how Milton Glaser says.
Been years struggling about this.
My friend is right, stop struggling, cause you don't want to regret in future.
Like if there's a chance to go UK, yes why not? this is once in a lifetime.
If I have a chance to switch to IL, why not? I don't wanna regret and blaming myself
why the hell I did not learn something about IL.
Yes I must ask my lecturer about this and hopefully please.
Please let me pass this semester, no fail no nothing just pass everything and gimme a chance
to go UH and study there.
ARGH! This week is the most stressful one. I need to sleep already..
Too tired.
AMITABHA!


(no use I know I can only save my ass myself)
But still, I love Buddha.
AMITABHA!!!!

Bear Cup

Totally made for me HAHAHAHAH!
JUST KIDDING.

birthday cup from dear Mr Faiz.
This cup is with me for a year already.
Very very cute and I like it!

Although it's not an super geng thing but this cute bear cup is really a special one!
Bear with a crown, is it = me being a queen or something? HAHAHA!
And the color, are you trying to tell me it's tanned like me? XD
But I like the eyes damn cute la!!!
Got a lot of things to do this week, today tomorrow and so on.
Ah! I shall continue my work now!

Thank you Mr for this cute lil present although I never post about it.
I miss you lots!

WEIRDEST THING

I bought 2 bags of cactus from Cameron Highlands, one big one small.
Placed them on the floor in living room by themselves.
Weird thing is, I only saw one bag, few days already.
I thought mother put them together in one bag, like 2 in 1.
In the end she says no today, I realized the small bag of cactus is missing.
yesterday I think.
We searched the whole house already but found nothing!
Mother is very very sure that she did seen 2 bags together side by side!
My sister saw it too!

Asked my brother in law already he says no, he's sure that he did not throw them away.
Obviously 2 bags put together you'll know that 2 is the same thing ma right.
Impossible move one remain one there ma.

Weird.
Impossible our dogs ate them.
Impossible wawa sneak in to the house and sold them to other dogs.
Impossible mother don't know cause she bought the cactus together with me!
Impossible I took one away first, no??? NEVER!
Impossible cat that likes to sneak in ate them? got torns for a few cactus...
Impossible my brother in law throw one did not throw the other one ma!


Amitabha, who's playing with me..



Amitabha, jack will kill me.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

社会，更多。

的确不出奇，很多犀利人都是人不可貌相的。
你想也想不到那样的女生是很够力的。
但是男生往往就是喜欢这种女生，真的很盲一下。
不是朋友，在我认识的，很亲的，圈子力就是有很多这些人。
男生们也就很喜欢犀利女人，很恐怖的。
姐姐说，男人是靠下半部的头脑思考的，还有很多朋友曾经说过此话。
我不敢说是每个男人，不过，看看自己的圈子，嗯。。
可以说是80％咯。

犀利的人以后到处都是，没想到那么快给我遇到第三个。

做了几位朋友和妈妈姐姐来诉苦后，确实放松了很多呢～
女生舒解压力的方法嘛。hehehe~
我发觉到男生朋友大多数都不讨论这些的，
有女朋友的才会跟女友投诉一下咯。。

呵呵，我很喜欢听我男朋友诉苦，他不常那么做。


通常我投诉了以后就没怎样，重新来过。
那当然我还会记得他的所作所为啦，如果没有搞到我那么严重
当然会原谅和忘记。
我真的很容易忘记事情。呵呵呵好事！

my long 1000th post

This is my 1000th post. I want to write about the people I cherish the most.


Great chinese new year，让我感到心酸的新年。
我的第一桶金来了。
当然每一次赚到一些钱我肯定会分给父母外公外婆，
这次也不例外，他们收到我的红包，脸上充满了笑容，
我知道他们很感动,我当然很高兴。
不过每次我给外婆，他都不拿来用，
存起来，说以后买东西才用。
但是。。。他们的生活，实在是很艰辛。。
过年什么的还要花费卖肉助给大家吃，
煮很多很多饭菜给大家。。
并不少人，很够多人咯。
忙着煮饭，买菜什么的，很辛苦。
一些来吃饭拍拍屁股就这样算了，什么样来的？？？
而且什么都不帮忙。那么忍心让长辈，老人家那么辛苦吗？


我不明白，为什么有些儿子会那么吝啬？
明明支付父母是天经地义的事，为什么可以那么自私？
我一定一定会赚更多钱，支付外公外婆。
外婆太省了，非常节俭，
省到连一碟rm 2 - rm3 的猪肠粉也不舍得买来吃。
我听了，忍不住偷偷地流泪。
还说一个月买一次就很够了。。
自己想吃的东西都不舍得买来吃。。
菜园工真的很辛苦的，肯在菜园帮忙的年轻人真的很少了。
我看我身边都没几个肯来帮忙，做一下都肯定在抱怨了。
老人家，上70了，还在劳动。。外劳也是。。
这几年来花的钱，非常值得。
那些外劳非常好心，看见外婆外公搬重物会过去帮忙。
花那一点钱买的食物干粮，衣服，算得了什么。
但是多少都能帮轻些负担。据外婆说，他们连肉都没钱买来吃。
就是吃饭和菜罢了，偶尔才有罐头吃。
如果看见着post的好心人想要捐不穿的衣服可以联络我。
食物干粮什么都可以。

Happy new year.

** This CNY **

I miss my grandma, my father mother, my sisters a lot.
I visited all relatives with parents only, cause both sisters were married and went back
to their husband's hometown.
Feeling weird.
Feeling sad, I wonder, if in future, I got married to a Chinese,
I wouldn't have the chance to accompany my parents to visit relatives anymore.
They will be alone, for first few days. They will miss us very much..
Dad's hair is getting white when the color dye goes off.
I see wrinkles on my parent's face, I noticed my mother's arms, knees have some problems.
Sigh. I'm witnessing the cycle of life.
Reality is beautiful yet cruel.
Sometimes, I hope time passes slower, I hope my grandparents and parents can live
forever in this mode, I hope my sisters can always be here with us.
One family, 5 of us together.
I love all of you.
I don't know why I felt so sad this new year.


** hey where's our sister picture. XD still in your phone sis!!! **

how come my face look thinner here -_-

** That Mr Meow **

I know I know, the way we call each other sounds disgusting and gay,
meow meow, meow mi, meowa... something about cats la.
But don't you think having a language with the one you love is an awesome thing?
It's like a code that only you two knows and recognizes.   :)
This CNY, sorry babe, I forgot to invite you to Cameron cause somehow I feel that
it's a bit impossible to bring you there (your family prob).
Although we have solutions for it. Grandma misses you Mr.
She always try to create new halal Chinese dishes for you, very thoughtful.
All my relative asks about you, "wei where's your boy?", "wheres your Mr Malay?"
HAHAHAHAHA... Funny, you're kinda well known now, cause the news are spreading XD

I noticed I gained a lot, I know I know SHH SHUT UP. XD
Well...... sorry grandma's cooking is just too good! XD And also my uncle from Singapore's cooking skill is superb!
Excuse yes yes I know. ERRR... Yeah I'm gonna fix that... AHHAHAH!
Yesterday when I saw the picture my friend tagged, I..
大受打击。创伤。
I am just too fat. Now I see how I look like.
I really confused of my look, really really confused.
Sometimes I look different in different pictures, I am darn confused.
Then Mr meow (mr malay) was there, I am super sad, lying on bed.
Asking him which one looks more like me, the real and recent me.
I don't understand his answer though, " both la? cause that's you in both pictures."
What........ I want to know my size and look la wei, like how I really looks like,
He says " Angle's problem. Or maybe camera I think?"
You're not giving me a clear answer dude. HAHAHAHA.
Never mind, in the end burst out crying.
Surprisingly this time, he tried his best to cheer me up,
hugs me, joke around, sings chinese new year song again..
The one I like the most is:
" If you cry ah I'll lick your tears, and and, don't make me lick and suck your mucus! "
I just cannot tahan this phrase I laughed, he even acted like he's sucking my mucus.
Disgusting but I like it. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
(somehow I heard him saying nucleus. HAHAHA)
After that I continued crying. XD

Even though I look like this, he never complains about it. NEVER.
(of course I do feel worried about this)
He never asks me to be like this girl that girl.
But of course he likes me to keep long hair for once in a lifetime for hm to play. XD
He says" if you think you're fat then try to exercise and slowly in the end you wont say that to me"
And he HATES the word FAT coming out from my mouth.
He hates to the word to the max.
Whatever..... HAHAHAHAHA!!!

I kinda think that I found it.
I know people are made to be imperfect. Right?
Our communication skills are improving, a lot. :'D
I am so happy!!!!!!!
Hmm, I can feel that I am being loved by this person from other family.
And I love this person too.   :D

** stress mode starts now **


The thing I hate the most is nearby now.
I wanted to leave this assignment so badly, because of the group? or because of the assignment?
Maybe I just cannot really fake out my own feelings towards certain people with certain personalities,
really hard, my face and conversation show it all.
I got no idea how to communicate with certain kind of people.

I can simply become another person in front of certain kinds of people.
Suddenly became quiet for an example.
My communication skills suck la honestly cause it's just hard to communicate with every single person in this world.
This is a big problem, I need to fix this.
I do feel that my limitations of tolerance is getting better, I am getting softer.
At least easier to forgive someone.

I think I really got problem.
I can suddenly lost the mood to be or hang out with people,
the feel of creating a distance between me and people.
For just a period, then like nothing happened, like normal.
And feel so far away, isolated.
This feeling comes naturally, like suddenly I feel so awkward being with some people.
different kinds of people. And I'm not sure why.
I hate this feeling. I hate it very much.

I think,
这副德性令我少了几位很好朋友。

Mr

Made for fun.
EEEEE!!!!
SO cute untile I want to pinch you.

I see worms above your cute cute eyes.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!

handphone snap - seafood porridge

Damnnnn this is so nice.
Got sotong, crab, prawn and fish inside.
VERY FRESH!!!

Garlic, onion etc spices can be added by our self.

New opened few weeks ago!!!
It's really really nice.

Mr Tang recommends this restaurant to you.
1 pot 3 person is enough.
Crab best.
DROLL!!!

Went here after we visit another uncle in Tapah.
Did not expect this to taste so good wei.
Its in Medan Ipoh, Boss Lim opened this, not the guy in the card.
HAHA.. Dad's greeting cards are used to make friends.
Give out to restaurants, friends, etc to make connections.
Not to forget, ang pau for everyone too. AHHAHA!!!


Good idea, very thoughtful.
A bit money and heart, I happy you happy.
I will follow this after I got my own business in future. :D

handphone snap- Mamak Cameron

mamak's teh tarik
Malaysian's favorite.
My all time fav.
Now Neslo is ma new love. AHHAHAHA!

:D

I love the lines and shapes.

Like the combo.
The cutting lines and circles.
Making the scene not so sharp.

MAMA~~

BABA~~
Forever same dressing style.

I must get a phone asap.
With good quality camera. :D
Actually every place is beautiful, it depends how you observe them.
Every single bit of things in this world is pretty, and I truly believe that.

Ate here before we head to Tapah, from Cameron.
:') Sigh. I want grandma.