Midnight rain

The small lil pathway that I need to use
in order to fo to LRC.
It's surrounded with woods, and it's so cold.

I came back to my room soaking wet.
But it's nice to walk under the rain at 4-5 am.

Don't let negativity blindfold you. 

 /// 4 am walk ///


I can't really sleep, so I decided to get some reference printed in LRC.
I sent of my documents online to print, all I need to do is to collect them.

Didn't expect to have rain, it was extra cold.
It's about 15 minutes walk to the LRC but I the route I usually take is under
services and blocked, so I have to walk back and take another way to LRC.
The woods. It's a little scary at night but ghosts doesn't bug me here in UK,
I simply don't feel anything about spirits here maybe cause culture and race difference.
Pretty depress, cause it's raining and I have to walk so long.
Oh well, my bad to not check my email they sent to all of the students
regarding the blocked road. Man.

It was so quiet until I find it sad to walk like this. Depress.

I go on youtube to checkout some songs and played while walking to the LRC.
Feels better but doesn't make much difference.
Sometimes I will do things like this out of no where, cause I can actually print or collect them
in the morning. Something just made me get my ass off from my chair.
That sudden mood, sudden urge to go out and feel some loneliness.
So I reached, Wailok (jayden) was waiting for me with my documents
cause I asked him to collect from the printer in case it's gone or mistaken by people.
After he passed me my stuffs, I didn't go home straight.
I chose a spot for me to sit down and lean against the wall around the main entrance.
The guard and a few people saw me sitting there, I bet they must be thinking
this girl's drunk or on drugs.

Part of the reason made me stay is because of I need to protect my documents.
Then... Simply feeling lonely and want to have some time alone outside.
To chill my mind. It's been a pretty stressful week.
Full of assignments and social problems.
So i just sat there, trying to leave my brain blank, but it's so hard.
Why can't women be like men, to have empty moments in our heads?
I can't even do that when I am about to sleep!

Lamiya posted on fb yesterday, about her should start giving a fuck on people's feelings.
My case is the opposite. It is so so so difficult okay?
I am trying..... Everyone knows that I care how people see me.
And you guys know how serious am I. (I am trying not to be serious.)
There's this song by Alaa Wardi made me sooooooo sad.
That arabian vocals are so nice. But that song. ITS LIKE TELLING ME WHAT I NEED TO DO.
IS IT A SIGN??!! ITS SO DIFFICULT.
I sat there, checking out people's instagrams, checking out my photo albums.
Scrolling scrolling... .. . Then I realize memories made us all weak and strong at the same time.
It's alright I am fine, I am doing good now, but you have to understand
we all have a little emotional time okay....
What a terrible week I had. No, it was just a a few days ago but it felt like
a week or more?
Plus my period is almost here, moodswing moodswing.
I think I need to start watching comedies, cartoons and movies.
Cause it makes difference actually!
Also, I have to think positively, so I am able to produce positive aura and then let things change right?
Thats what the book of secrets teaches us correct?

+ positive +

Whatever. Whatever what happen in the future, I must now concentrate in my damn project.
3 projects all must be handed in after 2 months. Scary...

I.. need... to... FOCUS.
FOCUS.FOCUS. AND FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS.
I must be rude for today.
I fucking hate the word "insight" from now on,
and people who think they know me very well.
Even my sisters don't know everything about me, okay?
Shut up before you pisses me off.
I may seem like pattern A on the surface but actually
I have a lot of different patterns you never knew.
And pattern A that you see, it's just a really really surface thing.
Only people who's really close to me knows what am I thinking.

There's this one mate who think she knows me so well. (not talking about suhan, halie nor any close mates back in malaysia)
She kind of know 10% of me but she acts like she knows me so well.
Stop saying I am checking my angmo classmates out.
I am not interested. PLEASE. You think my time are 99% on guys?
PLEASE. I may on my scanner often but please, not always and everyday okay.
And you obviously don't understand which type I fancy  >: (

Now I realize, I can't have many close friends.
I will only have 1-2 in the end. Who knows my stuffs really well.
Cause it's really about the feeling you hangout with certain people.
Some people will have the feeling of making you split out your
history and true shitty stories. I don't usually do that.
Sigh. It's good. I have great close friends. I love you guys.
Thanks for always cheering me up.
I don't actually have time like this, it's rare.
But it's good, it releases my stress out loud.
It's been a long time I haven't transform myself into a gorilla.
:')

monotone

Telford Court, the so called party flats.
That day feels so quiet, this color made it look so Sci-Fi.

Cicada.
Chinese believes they will transform to moth or cicada
after they died for the first few days.
And they will fly home to see their family for the last time.

This painting.
IS TOO CREEPY.
We pass by this building to class or LRC sometimes.
OMG I passed by that day at night man.
TOO CREEPY.

Recently I found out I have another addiction.

/// Last Week ///


So, we got our semester A done, now it's time for B.
After the hectic submission, my life went sooooooooo calm, quiet, and smooth.
It last for a few days but it feels sooo good to be relaxing alone in my room,
or walking out to get some food myself.
No need to care about other's timing or preferences. I do what I like.
(Best thing about being alone sometimes)

And I kind of think I developed this quiet and independent personality here.
More or less the macam in TOA but this became serious here.
I can totally 100% travel alone no problem as long as I have my phone with me.
I can be with myself for more than 24 hours, I can be alone more than 12 hours alone outside
walking in any street in London.
Even I've been left out, I can still survive.
Scared for what, everyone knows English here, I also have google maps,
and there's always people for me to ask for directions.
I really hate to be in a group of people who need to stick together forever until we arrive home TOGETHER.
It's really too hard to follow man, especially in London, in a foreign country that
is still very new for us to explore.
omg please. We're 21 or more, not kids anymore.
We don't need a group leader holding a flag giving us directions.

*WE NEED TO BE INDEPENDENT*

*BUT I CAN BE WITH A GROUP OF PEOPLE MORE THAN 15 IN A DRUMLINE*
*AND I LOVE IT*

Hmm.........
Actually I think I can travel to somewhere further alone and I should do so.
Will try somewhere near first, in UK for a few days.
MACAM YES!!!!!!
If I don't spend some time in traveling here it will be a huge waste.
Sorry dad.............


I am looking for part times now.
URGH!!!!
MUST!!!

Testing testing

This effect is unexpected.
I like how it creates shadow and flare.

Ah. when mom and brother in law were in London ,
with 2 good friends of my brother in law and my sister,
bringing us around London.

So, I borrowed it from LRC.
And I bought one from a bookfair in St Albans.
Superb!!!!
For how much ah, erm, RM40!!!!!
SO CHEAP WEI!!!!
You got all different genre of fanzines in one book yo!!

He's always there, with me on the desk.
Watching me doing my work.

A remake of a photo my boyfriend took 2 years ago.

So, dad allowed me to order a portrait lens, the cheapest lens in Canon lens range.
OMG this is my first Canon lens, cause I'm always using sigma lens throughout my college
years in Malaysia. I find the bokeh and the depth is not as sharp and strong as Canon lens.
There is a difference, or maybe I need to send my sigma lens to clean up.
Feels not as sharp as before.

So I did some tryouts myself.
Not bad!!!!

Kacang Putih Factory

Fry.

One of my favorite shot.

The Packaging Island.

Spinning in super speed.

Things are always complicated, am I right?

有这个机会参观实在是难的。
不容易混进一间工厂拍照吧。
走进厂里，首先是看见5－6个工人在忙做包装的工作。
走劲一些便会看见右手边有一个非常宽大的空间，储存着很多很大包的豆。
哪里有1－2个人打包大大包的，那里外面也有货车等着。
向前走便会抵达一个非常闷热的地方，就是厨房，很大的厨房。
科技先进，可见大多人都选择用机械操作，更快更准。
但十一点也不容易操作。
这里只有3个工人，都是男人。
汗流浃背，身体占满了污迹，油，衣服总是湿湿的。
一看就知道很辛苦。
哪里简直透不过气，从那里走出来真的可以嗅到什么是新鲜空气。

去过哪里几次，都会感觉原来人不会珍惜空气。
原来人那么怕辛苦。那么懒惰。


带着相机拍照，他们也感到特别兴奋。
他们很少照片吧？ 很好奇拍出来是什么样子，拍了后一定会走过来看看。
有些还拉着好朋友一起拍，想做个纪念。
当然当我功课完成后，一定不忘记给他们洗一些照片。
在外国谋生，一定很想念家人，主国。
他们应该很寂寞。。
当他们接过两包香饼时，看得出他们的眼神，
流露出不可思议的感觉。
大家看起来都很高兴，有些还当场把饼吃完。
希望他们喜欢。不多人知道香饼啊，我不告诉我男朋友，不给他吃，
他这辈子都不会知道原来我们怡保是出名香饼的。
他很爱吃噢！老板娘也爱吃～


哎，我们。
身在福中不知福啊。