 |
The small lil pathway that I need to use
in order to fo to LRC.
It's surrounded with woods, and it's so cold. |
 |
I came back to my room soaking wet.
But it's nice to walk under the rain at 4-5 am. |
 |
| Don't let negativity blindfold you. |
/// 4 am walk ///
I can't really sleep, so I decided to get some reference printed in LRC.
I sent of my documents online to print, all I need to do is to collect them.
Didn't expect to have rain, it was extra cold.
It's about 15 minutes walk to the LRC but I the route I usually take is under
services and blocked, so I have to walk back and take another way to LRC.
The woods. It's a little scary at night but ghosts doesn't bug me here in UK,
I simply don't feel anything about spirits here maybe cause culture and race difference.
Pretty depress, cause it's raining and I have to walk so long.
Oh well, my bad to not check my email they sent to all of the students
regarding the blocked road. Man.
It was so quiet until I find it sad to walk like this. Depress.
I go on youtube to checkout some songs and played while walking to the LRC.
Feels better but doesn't make much difference.
Sometimes I will do things like this out of no where, cause I can actually print or collect them
in the morning. Something just made me get my ass off from my chair.
That sudden mood, sudden urge to go out and feel some loneliness.
So I reached, Wailok (jayden) was waiting for me with my documents
cause I asked him to collect from the printer in case it's gone or mistaken by people.
After he passed me my stuffs, I didn't go home straight.
I chose a spot for me to sit down and lean against the wall around the main entrance.
The guard and a few people saw me sitting there, I bet they must be thinking
this girl's drunk or on drugs.
Part of the reason made me stay is because of I need to protect my documents.
Then... Simply feeling lonely and want to have some time alone outside.
To chill my mind. It's been a pretty stressful week.
Full of assignments and social problems.
So i just sat there, trying to leave my brain blank, but it's so hard.
Why can't women be like men, to have empty moments in our heads?
I can't even do that when I am about to sleep!
Lamiya posted on fb yesterday, about her should start giving a fuck on people's feelings.
My case is the opposite. It is so so so difficult okay?
I am trying..... Everyone knows that I care how people see me.
And you guys know how serious am I. (I am trying not to be serious.)
There's this song by Alaa Wardi made me sooooooo sad.
That arabian vocals are so nice. But that song. ITS LIKE TELLING ME WHAT I NEED TO DO.
IS IT A SIGN??!! ITS SO DIFFICULT.
I sat there, checking out people's instagrams, checking out my photo albums.
Scrolling scrolling... .. . Then I realize memories made us all weak and strong at the same time.
It's alright I am fine, I am doing good now, but you have to understand
we all have a little emotional time okay....
What a terrible week I had. No, it was just a a few days ago but it felt like
a week or more?
Plus my period is almost here, moodswing moodswing.
I think I need to start watching comedies, cartoons and movies.
Cause it makes difference actually!
Also, I have to think positively, so I am able to produce positive aura and then let things change right?
Thats what the book of secrets teaches us correct?
+ positive +
Whatever. Whatever what happen in the future, I must now concentrate in my damn project.
3 projects all must be handed in after 2 months. Scary...
I.. need... to... FOCUS.
FOCUS.FOCUS. AND FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS.
I must be rude for today.
I fucking hate the word "insight" from now on,
and people who think they know me very well.
Even my sisters don't know everything about me, okay?
Shut up before you pisses me off.
I may seem like pattern A on the surface but actually
I have a lot of different patterns you never knew.
And pattern A that you see, it's just a really really surface thing.
Only people who's really close to me knows what am I thinking.
There's this one mate who think she knows me so well. (not talking about suhan, halie nor any close mates back in malaysia)
She kind of know 10% of me but she acts like she knows me so well.
Stop saying I am checking my angmo classmates out.
I am not interested. PLEASE. You think my time are 99% on guys?
PLEASE. I may on my scanner often but please, not always and everyday okay.
And you obviously don't understand which type I fancy >: (
Now I realize, I can't have many close friends.
I will only have 1-2 in the end. Who knows my stuffs really well.
Cause it's really about the feeling you hangout with certain people.
Some people will have the feeling of making you split out your
history and true shitty stories. I don't usually do that.
Sigh. It's good. I have great close friends. I love you guys.
Thanks for always cheering me up.
I don't actually have time like this, it's rare.
But it's good, it releases my stress out loud.
It's been a long time I haven't transform myself into a gorilla.
:')
