Maybe you're right.
We should be friends rather lover.
After all these days I've been struggling with my relationship problems.
没想到我是个很念旧的人。
虽然我和他相处，但我还是又想着你。
现在，很明确觉得我真的很喜欢你。
也许是缘分，我们现在没能在一起，
但我也不敢期望以后会发生什么事。
我怕我会伤心。
也许你说你不爱是真的，
但是先是来说，先分开是好的。
你能专心上课，我能投入在工作，
可能你还会遇到比我更好的女孩。
我们在一起都有三年半，我的确对不起你，
我伤害了你很多次。
我的任性，幼稚，自私，让你留了那么多次泪，
让你心痛了那么多次。不，同时间，
我伤害了很多人，我带来了很多麻烦，
身边的朋友家人，对不起，让你们操心了。
我才发觉，原来你为了我牺牲了很多。
其实我在英国，嘴上说不爱你，不想在一起了，
但我还是没三出你的照片，你的名字在电话里依然是meow mi.
mr faiz 也还和我一起，我们的杯子也还在这。
你送给我的衣服我依然有穿，在英国我也把它放在床头。
原来我还爱你。
我很感激，我很庆幸我能和你一起那么久。
我们有很多不足的地方，我们都得改进。
说不定以后的我能让你对我另眼相看。
说不定以后的我们会在某个地方遇见对方，从新认识对方。
我再次向你道歉。
说一百次，都不够。
和你的日子真的好快乐。
为什么我以一时的冲动说分手？
傻。太傻了。我太幼稚了。
我一直以为我掌握一切，结果谁知道，
你也会有放弃的一天。
这一时的幼稚，令我失去了那么好的你，
是报应，是我拿来的，我错，我就得认错。
我错，我就的接受惩罚。
是应该的。因为你，我也了解到原来我的忍耐力极低。
我败给了寂寞和新鲜感，我败给了我以前都得不到的满足感。
看来我得真得放弃。
好像没希望了，缘分真的没了？
我不敢期望，我不敢想。
这个挑战，我接受了，我现在会自己面对。
下次见面，我希望你会看待更好的我。
祝你学业进步，身体健康。
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
End of 2014
2014 is really happening in so many ways.
Perhaps this is the year I finally understood things,
finally get to see so much that I never thought I could.
I studied in Hertfordshire, travelled to some European countries,
got to know many awesome people, dove into different design cultures,
graduated in the UK, etc .. wow.
I find myself a little different comparing to the Angel in past 3-5 years.
Couldn't even understand how branding works back then!
Now, I believe that physical environment is a big deal that
can affect one's mental and spiritual health.
Ah, despite of having unhealthy lifestyle,
I've made so many mistakes throughout this period of stay in UK,
but I have learnt more than all the mistakes.
My sister borrowed me a book, something related to The Art of Talking,
in chinese, written by a Taiwanese celeb.
Gotta master this to be a better person.
Hah, not to forget, breathing class is a must next year!
2014 is full of surprises too!
I never knew anyone that have "shape OCD", for example,
having a circle in a square is painful for eyes.
HAHAHAHAHAHAA OH MY GOD.
Funny, hahaha seriously.
Another surprise was the time I discovered more of myself.
Also those people I knew for a long time.
We simply cannot expect things to stay the same all the time.
I remember flying to UK with mum dad, and coming back to Malaysia by myself.
There's this black french staff who do all the bag checking before you proceed to the gate at Paris Airport.
So there's something in my coat, not sure what that triggered the alarm made me
ran though a body scan and a bag checking procedure.
He quickly checked my stuff as I wore my shoes, then picked up my hat and put it
on my head. "That's more like it!" he said.
HAHAHA he thought I'm a Japanese, XD
We had a lil chat, and he told me he couldn't speak fluently in front of asians.
(whuuuttt) And you know what, this whole scenario happened twice.
I met him again when I'm flying back to Malaysia alone.
HAHAHAHAHA and he recognised me! But not my nationality.
Fate! Same person, same place, same conversation, same scenario.
Yes he did put my hat on my head again when Im wearing my shoes. XD
* off topic*
While flying with Air France, I must say the person who created the music playlist
for AirFrance has good taste. Loveeeeee it.
I always check their website (airfrance) to explore some good stuff.
家人，真的重要呀。虽然我没办法和家人相处很久，
但是我真心觉得家人在我心中的地位肯定是有的。
最后想说，我以为我变化很多，但是万万没想到，
你也是。开放了，胆大了，我开始不能理解。
我以为我还会很开心，但是现在，似乎。。。
为什么会这样？
不过还是不能强求，也许这不是好时候。
我希望我们都能专注在该专注的地方，打好学业，事业基础。
其他的我真的不想理会了。我尝试改变结局，可是没成功。
越在乎，就越沮丧烦恼。
今天之前的我肯定会想要掌握一切，但是今天我只能说，
想通了。也许我不是你命中注定的那个人。
Perhaps this is the year I finally understood things,
finally get to see so much that I never thought I could.
I studied in Hertfordshire, travelled to some European countries,
got to know many awesome people, dove into different design cultures,
graduated in the UK, etc .. wow.
I find myself a little different comparing to the Angel in past 3-5 years.
Couldn't even understand how branding works back then!
Now, I believe that physical environment is a big deal that
can affect one's mental and spiritual health.
Ah, despite of having unhealthy lifestyle,
I've made so many mistakes throughout this period of stay in UK,
but I have learnt more than all the mistakes.
My sister borrowed me a book, something related to The Art of Talking,
in chinese, written by a Taiwanese celeb.
Gotta master this to be a better person.
Hah, not to forget, breathing class is a must next year!
2014 is full of surprises too!
I never knew anyone that have "shape OCD", for example,
having a circle in a square is painful for eyes.
HAHAHAHAHAHAA OH MY GOD.
Funny, hahaha seriously.
Another surprise was the time I discovered more of myself.
Also those people I knew for a long time.
We simply cannot expect things to stay the same all the time.
I remember flying to UK with mum dad, and coming back to Malaysia by myself.
There's this black french staff who do all the bag checking before you proceed to the gate at Paris Airport.
So there's something in my coat, not sure what that triggered the alarm made me
ran though a body scan and a bag checking procedure.
He quickly checked my stuff as I wore my shoes, then picked up my hat and put it
on my head. "That's more like it!" he said.
HAHAHA he thought I'm a Japanese, XD
We had a lil chat, and he told me he couldn't speak fluently in front of asians.
(whuuuttt) And you know what, this whole scenario happened twice.
I met him again when I'm flying back to Malaysia alone.
HAHAHAHAHA and he recognised me! But not my nationality.
Fate! Same person, same place, same conversation, same scenario.
Yes he did put my hat on my head again when Im wearing my shoes. XD
* off topic*
While flying with Air France, I must say the person who created the music playlist
for AirFrance has good taste. Loveeeeee it.
I always check their website (airfrance) to explore some good stuff.
家人，真的重要呀。虽然我没办法和家人相处很久，
但是我真心觉得家人在我心中的地位肯定是有的。
最后想说，我以为我变化很多，但是万万没想到，
你也是。开放了，胆大了，我开始不能理解。
我以为我还会很开心，但是现在，似乎。。。
为什么会这样？
不过还是不能强求，也许这不是好时候。
我希望我们都能专注在该专注的地方，打好学业，事业基础。
其他的我真的不想理会了。我尝试改变结局，可是没成功。
越在乎，就越沮丧烦恼。
今天之前的我肯定会想要掌握一切，但是今天我只能说，
想通了。也许我不是你命中注定的那个人。
Monday, December 15, 2014
Rainy Graduation Day
In the end, it rained.
Why? Cause I'm leaving London? HAHAHAAAA!!!
Damn! It's not nice to rain at this time. :(
Everyone's wet and mud is everywhere, felt pretty bad actually.
Don't even have the mood to take photos.
But for my memory's sake, I have to.
Had to take simply a few photos with my parents before sending them to a restaurant
if not they will catch a cold.
Did not have chance to take photos with most of them,
everyone was busy taking photos, preparing on their own, plus
the rain was making a mess there.
Also didn't take much photos with parents.
Wanted to go back after lunch but damn, the sun is going down very soon, AT 3!!!
The rain didn't stop after lunch, urgh. So messy........
Need to return robes etc........
Carrying so many things, DSLR, robe, flower, cert, ... ...
Not easy at all. Plus I have to walk so dam far to return the robe.
Overall, i felt weird.
That moment ain't as emotional as I thought.
Really. And what's the point of throwing that headwear?
You gotta pick it up after that, plus you'll have mud all over it.
SO MESSY AND POINTLESS. It's just for the typical "graduation" shot.
But I felt sad because I know I won't have chance to be here again, nor study.
And all of sudden, I realised how much I feel happy here.
The study, artistic atmosphere is the thing that I like the most actually.
You can see many people sketching in museums, many beautiful well preserved buildings,
antiques, happy cheerful people, more and more that gives you inspiration.
Not saying Malaysia is not good for me, I just feel more inspired in The UK.
Most importantly, it's not about being there.
It's about having such awesome parents who supports me no matter what happened to me.
Without them, and my sisters, I won't be giving this once in a lifetime opportunity
to come here and feel useful and inspired.
Without them, I won't even have chance to tell what is the difference of Malaysian education
and UK education system, also Malaysian fish and chips VS UK fish and Chips.
Damn mashed pees are sooooo good.......
Why? Cause I'm leaving London? HAHAHAAAA!!!
Damn! It's not nice to rain at this time. :(
Everyone's wet and mud is everywhere, felt pretty bad actually.
Don't even have the mood to take photos.
But for my memory's sake, I have to.
Had to take simply a few photos with my parents before sending them to a restaurant
if not they will catch a cold.
Did not have chance to take photos with most of them,
everyone was busy taking photos, preparing on their own, plus
the rain was making a mess there.
Also didn't take much photos with parents.
Wanted to go back after lunch but damn, the sun is going down very soon, AT 3!!!
The rain didn't stop after lunch, urgh. So messy........
Need to return robes etc........
Carrying so many things, DSLR, robe, flower, cert, ... ...
Not easy at all. Plus I have to walk so dam far to return the robe.
Overall, i felt weird.
That moment ain't as emotional as I thought.
Really. And what's the point of throwing that headwear?
You gotta pick it up after that, plus you'll have mud all over it.
SO MESSY AND POINTLESS. It's just for the typical "graduation" shot.
But I felt sad because I know I won't have chance to be here again, nor study.
And all of sudden, I realised how much I feel happy here.
The study, artistic atmosphere is the thing that I like the most actually.
You can see many people sketching in museums, many beautiful well preserved buildings,
antiques, happy cheerful people, more and more that gives you inspiration.
Not saying Malaysia is not good for me, I just feel more inspired in The UK.
Most importantly, it's not about being there.
It's about having such awesome parents who supports me no matter what happened to me.
Without them, and my sisters, I won't be giving this once in a lifetime opportunity
to come here and feel useful and inspired.
Without them, I won't even have chance to tell what is the difference of Malaysian education
and UK education system, also Malaysian fish and chips VS UK fish and Chips.
Damn mashed pees are sooooo good.......
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