女生的頭都不能亂摸

不管幾歲，女生的頭都不能亂摸，摸了就會出事。

會瞬間開啟戀愛模式。

(與友人閒聊有感)

- Ridiculous Dream Make Love (facebook)

I agree. 

HAHAHAHAHA

Goosebumps

You must know Akira (1988) and Ghost in The Shell if you're into cyberpunk.

And if you're into percussion, wow.

Was digging out the soundtrack again few days ago and wow, goosebumps all way long.

I checked some interviews and videos about the making of Akira's soundtracks, found out that
they are actually influenced by Bali's percussion instruments!
The music composer and founder of Geinoh Yamashirogumi is actually a Japanese artist and Scientist. WOW!!!!
I like the way the composers compose music for this 2 animations.
Very strong cultural and spiritual music, sci-fi yet authentic, futuristic but still traditional in some ways.
I love the choir + simple percussion line in Kaneda's theme, URGH!!!!

Also I personally think the idea of the line Kiyoko says in Akira (1988)
"the thing about Akira's power is everyone has it at the start." is the same as Lucy (2014) 's concept
of exploring the limits of using human brains. 
Just that Lucy is more scientific. 
Like, actually everyone is able to expand and control the "power" beneath them if they know how to do so.
Scientifically this theory is not proven but it's a futuristic sci fi thought of 
the future of humans and technology. Very interesting. 
Who knows what will happen in the future? 
*AKIRA VS LUCY* JENG JENG JENG*

Inspiring isn't it?
I admire how the Japanese think about the future, in manga and animations.
Like Paprika (2006) VS Inception (2010).
Seriously Paprika needs to be more recognised!
Here's a blog post writing about the difference between Paprika and Inception.

"Paprika and Inception are films based on essentially the same concept: that a technology has been created which can access people’s dreams, people can watch others’ dreams and enter them. InPaprika, the technology is in the hands of scientists but is stolen by a criminal who hacks into dreams, controlling people and causing reality-bending chaos. Inception uses similar ideas but the dream-hacking technology is used by warring bands of super intelligent bandits and strange secret organisations to hack into the dreams of the rich and powerful in order to subtly influence them. Really, the two stories go in fairly different directions from the outset."

By (click to see the post)

After all these written stuff, it reminded me of the live-action remake of Mamoru Oshii's 1995 anime masterpiece, Ghost in the Shell.

Actually I am very disappointed when they select Scarlett Johansson to play the 

main character of Ghost In The Shell in the film remake, probably releasing in 2017.

It confuses my interpretation of the original animation.

The cultural background, OST etc.

It will be westernised. Not that authentic anymore. So sad. :(

It's one of the classic in japanese animation man. 

I'm happy that Akira will remain the same, no remakes.

So, enjoy :

G R O S S

So my friend told me about the panties case today.
haha was actually quite a loud story.

Okay in short it's about her 28 years old brother in law who's letting
his mother in law (my friend's mother) (not saying which friend is this) washes
his clothing including panties, handkerchief and socks.
You know, most traditional families choose to wash these by hand, same goes
to my friend's family, hand wash!

Her mother washes her panties and maybe her husband's? I'm not sure,
but touching other's panties feels really gross to me.
And is it appropriate to let your mother-in-law wash your panties?
I believe everyone who wears panties knows that panties, bra, are very private in both western and asian culture.
Obviously it sticks to your private parts half a day and have your own germs on it.
Stinks and it has so much germs that you cannot imagine, sometimes liquid?

Hello, you're freakin' 27 years old and you still don't know how to wash your own panties?
Such a shame.  何况自己生活过很多年。
I'm 22 years old already and I wash my own when I bath then just let my mother
simply 过水 and dry them as she washes her's and my dad's. (when im home I help my mother to dry all the cloths)

Will you let you daughter, son, let their mother/father - in- law do these panties washing?

*shakes head*

It will be more than impossible to let my mother washes my husband's panties.
HAND WASH BRO, HAND WASH. I don't even want to touch my boyfriend's panties.
要你老公，老婆的妈妈弯下身子帮你洗你的内裤。
你好不好意思，你自己想想看咯。

If you are reading this, whoever you are, think about it.
You will have your own family, and your own parents in law, or in future your kids will have.
Will you do this to you parents in law? or let your kids do so?
Sigh, right, this world won't be perfect.
So start doing things right, at least to make the society better.

Faith

Okay I start losing faith in trusting men.
Too many stories.


Will I have a good boyfriend / husband in future? : /

自信

Bought this necklace in Chatuchak Market, Bangkok 2 years ago.
Origami swans! 

我爱这围巾！

姐姐分享了一篇文章，有着很多比较胖的自信女孩照片，
打扮时尚魅力，美丽完全不输苗条女生哦！
外国很多plus size bloggers, plus size models 等，多靠他们，plus size 的时尚市场渐渐红起来。
英国有plus size model agencies, 模特都非常可爱自信！是他们让自卑的女性打开心门更爱自己。
我比以前胖很多，以前瘦一些都觉得很不自信，何况现在？
所真的我还没有胆量出街穿无袖衣。总觉得别人在批评。。觉得我难看。。

哎。不过昨晚参加晚宴，我还好咯。
比较自信一些，看见很多嘉宾都是胖胖的，但打扮很美丽，非常有自信！
very inspired. 我也会慢慢自信起来的。 :)

Frustration

Other than design work, I haven't been soooooo frustrated.


Tonight gonna be big, full of dad's colleagues, relatives and strangers.
So, I got my hair done last month, happy, and some new make up tools, excited.
BUT I did not prepare anything to wear, cause I think I have enough?
Somehow I brought a green blouse for CNY only, feeling unsatisfied......

So...... SHOPPING!

In ipoh.
HAHAHAHA. The decent ones are fashion boutiques rather than shopping malls,
cause yeah Ipoh is not that updated in fashion, still.
I was very happy, cause my mother were trying out dresses too, we finished our chores in the
morning and went shopping after that.
Okay I quite like a few maxi dress and when I put it on.
OH MY GOD DISGUSTING.

And every time I try one, I felt more gross.

It's tight, some are unfit, overall, disastrous.
My heart broke and I almost cried in the fitting room.
And the saddest thing is, my mother wasn't telling me the truth, that
some looks awful, or some made me look fatter.
That's really sad.
People who knows who I am knows talking to me must be straightforward,
if not I won't understand how you actually feel.

At the end of the day, my shopping mood from 200% dropped to 0%.
No hope at all.
In the UK it's easy for me since most lines have up to size 16 clothing.
My upper body is size 12 but my ass is 14. So yeah.
It's impossible to find something big in fashion boutiques.
Asian sizes are smaller that Europeans.

I immediately bought vegetables to cook at night.
Diet diet diet.
I don't have a tiny bit of confidence now.
As I walk pass people, my mind will constantly tell me " they find you big, fat and ugly".


Kay, enough of complaints.


I need more time to change myself completely, especially my body.
Actually I know the main reason of me being so bloated is not food but my daily routine,
okay I slept at 1am yesterday, I'm such a good girl already.
And sooner I will spend more effort in changing my routines.
No worries, just feeling very sad all of sudden.

J O B L E S S

Am I the only one who's not having a full time job now?



A week ago, someone told my mother that I shouldn't wander around jobless,
being so chillax at home right in front of me.
Erm, hello, as everyone knows I have already graduated and came back from The UK,
true, no full time job but maybe people shouldn't just assume I am very laid back without asking
for more information about my status.
I am currently occupied with freelance work, just finished another job from my dad,
and another hand I have a long term freelance work to do with my ex classmate Su Tien.
Building a brand for her fitness and healthy living gym isn't easy.
Also I took up a graphic design volunteer for a non profit organisation, and yeah,
charity ain't easy too, they don't have much knowledge in design and file preparation,
so I have to repeat many things in tight deadline.
I have spent a few hours doing that between 11pm - 2 am because the person
in charge of all information has classes to teach and other event roadshow to do.

After not seeing everyone for more than a year, I have the responsibility to accompany my mother
to visit my dearest grandparents.
Then, a few days spent. I gotta go out with my parents for breakfast when my sisters are not around,
and sometime fetch my eldest sister out to do some chores who's living in Ipoh too, half day gone.
Night, when my dad's around I must to have dinner with him cause it's rare to see him home.
My mother is a fit person, so she always drag me to Polo Ground to jog, as you can see I gained at least 10kg after one year in UK.

Come back to my freelance work, hello, I don't really have much time yo.
If I go for a fulltime without finishing everything on hand, do you think I have time for
my unfinished works? My clients will totally hate me.
So common sense, I cannot get a full time before I finish my job.
My clients have things to do too, so they cannot reply me right away on the same day.
I can only prepare more designs and work on other stuff I have when I have some time.
As a human being, I need to eat sleep shit too right?


I felt so offended on the spot.
You haven't even ask what am I doing so far.
Now I see why you don't have a boyfriend after so long.

I hate it when people ASSUME something without confirming what's going on.
And I find it very offensive when someone close to me doubts my morality,
example : Don't you dare doing something hurtful to your dad.
WHAT ON EARTH MAKES YOU THINK I WILL HURT MY DAD,
IN FACT I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH PLEASE.
DID WE JUST MET? DAMN.


Kay, that's all.
Just saying.

Taobao

Actually if you're slim enough, you can just click and receive your new year cloths easily

from Taobao.

I have browsed through Amazon, ebay for a year, buying books and some nonsense,

also ASOS, and some other fashion sites for clothing. 

Personally, Amazon is really good to buy household items and also books, I like it.

Ebay not really, it seems like they don't have much variety, although it's very cheap comparing to other sites.

But TAOBAO, is amazingggggggg.

They have Japanese products, Korean, Chinese, also from Europe!

And the best thing is, when you hover to the product, you can actually see two options,

"look for similar items", or "look for the same item",

then you can compare the design or the price!

That's really awesome! 

I never bought anything from taobao few years ago because the postage system

seems very complicated. But yesterday, not sure what have gotten to me, 

I signed myself up for an account. HAHAHA, the desire of shopping is here.

Checking out what products they have is a joy. XD

Cause I found a shop run by a magazine called The Little Things, 

selling unique brands!!!

If you know Ahcahcum- Muchacha, Unlogical Poem, MICartsy etc independent designers,

THIS IS YOUR HOME. 

And of course they are selling their own magazine on TAOBAO. 

AH!!!! I'm really happy and excited.

Okay, make more money, to tao.

AHHAHAHAHA

Update update

Awesome waffle at Gamuda Walk!!!

This naughty lil boy.

EH HEHHH color looks so good!!!

Thaipusam in Ipoh.

But it's fading.
SIGH. I really like to see my hair red, too bad the cost of maintaining it is very very pricey.
Forgot to mention that, the waffle + cream and ice cream was superb.
OH MY DA BEST EVER.

So I've been volunteering for charity, hmm, I come to a conclusion:
I believe charity workers are really really strong.
My teacher had been doing this more than 3 years, and she took all the responsibilities
to manage all the roadshow and activities in Ipoh all by herself. Strong women.
Sometimes she managed to find a few helpers but still most of the time she carries the stress herself.
Yuan(fate) brought us together, so she could at least throw some design work for me to do.
Poor thing, I must praise her passion and patience.
I never seen such passionate charity worker so far.

Day before Thaipusam, I actually volunteered myself to be part of them to
spread some flyers and promote the 328 smiles yoga event in an Indian Temple, Ipoh.
It was my very first time going to such big Indian celebration in my life.
WOW, I don't see much Indians normally, but that day was a big day that gathers LOTS OF INDIANS in Ipoh. That was a huge crowd!
I arrived there wearing a white Indian ...Dress? Not sari, with a few of the volunteers.
5 of us were wearing something alike, specially for this day as a respect to the Indians and the temple.
Okay, we got our goodie bags ready with some multi language flyers in and water, off we go!
It's actually very hard to promote events, especially by approaching strangers.
Maybe we're one of the 5% chinese in this event, so automatically we drew some attention.
Obviously we look very cute that day, HAHAHA.
But no, it's still very hard to spread the flyers out.

Challenging indeed.
But I spoke to a few friendly indians who explained all the rituals and their beliefs!
I'm glad that I went there. Again, normally I won't be so daring to volunteer myself in these activities,
but this time, I don't know what's in me that kept me so excited about it.
Ended up buying new indian dress cause I couldn't fit into my old Punjabi Dress. SAD.
BUT HAPPY AT THE SAME TIME. New dress yo. HAHAHAHA
So I asked many questions about Hinduism and all the rituals they performed that day.
This friendly Indian Man who has 2 sons with him stood there and explained everything I asked,
from A to Z, very very nice.
He asked me, " do you know why they(some god and godness) won't squash the animals and flowers they're sitting on?".
" It's because, God is not an object, God doesn't have a form, like a soul! That's why God is very light to sit on anything without putting pressure on it."

"OH WOW!!! I SEE"

DNS kacang Putih even sponsored a huge cage and peacocks to showcase them behind the temple!
HUGE CAGE YO. HUGE.
Things he said creates more curiosity to me, I think we were standing there for 15 minutes or more.
Then, I saw 2 half naked man got poured by some water, started to roll on the floor surrounding
the temple. I was like hmm.... what....?
Questions again. HAHA Q&A session last quite long.
I shook his hand and thanked him after I asked enough, brilliant man.
Okay time to do my job. Take some photos. HAHAHAHA.
Then I bought some indian desserts and snacks. Actually I was really hungry before arriving,
I went there with an empty stomach. As soon as I arrived I felt alright, not hungry anymore. Strange right?
I learnt a lot of things about Hinduism that day, never felt so good to be part of the celebration!
They say we can also go in and pray or meditate if we want to.
You know what, after involving myself in this celebration, I felt more like a Malaysian.
Understanding our fellow Malaysian's culture and people do creates a bond with them and the country, it's not like, we know they are indians and they celebrate Thaipusam.
It's more in depth, at least a better knowledge of their religion right?
Indians are really awesome, 99% of them whom I spoke to speaks English very well!
Very surprised actually! I though most of us Malaysians don't speak english that well. AHAHHA

Fascinating experience.
Now I know why they offer milk to God but not water nor coke!

Red Shade

That's when I'm close to natural sunlight.

Indoor

Yup indoor looks darker. :D

Celeb Trendz!
Member price is about rm250+, added a conditioner, so it's like 300+ in the end.
I'm feeling good, battery recharged.
This is the shade I got for myself after I reach Malaysia.
Retouched a little before I attend my graduation ceremony.
It's really bright now, but after 2 months, the color looks more natural and slightly darker.
More like rose red. Pretty good color. But when it fades away leaving
my hair having uneven brown shades with grey hair sucks.
My grey hair turns me off so much.

10k smiles yoga!!!

Helped my dearest sister to make up a little.
HAHAHA PRETTY LADY!

So I signed up 10k smiles yoga as a volunteer!
Designer for sub stuff and also roadshow worker. HAHAH!!

Breathe

After 6 days of the Breathing Class (The Happiness Programme), 

I feel alive, different, relaxed, and most importantly, inspired.

It's a programme designed by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, the founder of The Art of Living,

also the inventor of Sudarshan Kriya ( Breathing Based Technique ).

Which was what I have learnt in that 6 days.

I believe it's Fate that leads me here.

Many years ago, lots of friends invited me to join many fitness classes, 

or health related programmes, but I never showed up in any classes. 

It was my eldest sister who introduced me this programme, after seeing my

sick zombie face and listening to all my stories in UK, studying and working as a freelance Designer.

I wasn't so sure about this programme at first, because it's related to Yoga and Meditation.

My sister and my mother tried out a meditation class before and it sounds horrifying, those 

weird stuff going on while you're meditating, all your worse imaginations will scared the shit out of you. 

Yeah, I took their experienced seriously, hahaha so I always think meditating is the door to your ultra

fear in you, the door to realising the worst you. 

I don't know man, it just scares me. :| 

So I didn't actually remember the happiness programme thing, until my mother mentioned it again.

Hmm, feels quite cincai, I simply agreed to attend the class so my sister booked a place for me.

Deep in my heart, I was struggling.

Didn't really wanted to go, but I got no idea how I send up there with myself in

a loose t-shirt and my H&M legging. 

Man, just like that? I never thought of "changing myself", or "getting ready to be inspired".

I always thought it's like a yoga thing, full of youngsters, but it turned out to be all aunties. HAHAHA.

SO my confidence level raised a little, because no pretty girls will be thinking

why this fatty ugly girl is attending such tough class. 

Yup, yoga to me is a scary thing because it's always occupied with pretty young hot ladies,

even aunties have hot bodies, hmm, feeling very uncomfortable in such environment.

The first day was awesome, even though I didn't sleep early after the 3 hour class, 

I felt better! Physically! because it's really soothing, I didn't check the time at all. 

3 hours just flew away! POW!

The next day, I woke up 3 minutes before my alarm clock rings. DAMN!

And I felt so energetic instantly, like it's unlike me, normally I will wake up feeling lazy!

It's the first sign of positive health improvement. 

More techniques and yoga styles were taught by our teacher day by day. 

I felt more involved in the class due to group discussions and sharing session, bonding me

to the other friendly aunties. 

I felt good in this class, Guruji (sri sri) really planned this class well, from 0 - inspired.

I didn't expect anything, but many signs came to me, leaving me shocked, telling everyone about

what positive changes I had after the class. 

The last time I had my period was October.

Ever since then it disappeared, took holiday leave huh?

the 4th day after attending 3 classes, my period came back right after my sisters were saying

my it will come after few months practicing the breathing technique.

HO LY MO LLY. WOW!!!!!

It's one sign! Making me believe it this! 

Another sign was the changes in my reactions towards complaints.

I always feel bad for the person who tell me their stress, or problems at work or home,

so I can't really give much positive feedbacks. 

A friend of mine were telling me about him/her problem, and my reaction was so calm.

Very calm until I want to make this person appreciate the moment. 

You know what's awesome about the programme?

It's the flow of Guruji's concept of life. 

There are many teachings I already knew, like we shouldn't care about how people judge us,

or we should enjoy the moment and be happy. Come on it's everywhere, in religion, university, tumblr,

pinterest, blogs, quotes by successful people!

Isn't it? We all know all of these good qualities that we should learn. 

But actually how many of the inspirational quotes inspired you? 

Like really really makes you understand everything. erm, 1, 2? or non?

In this 6 days, I'm really inspired, my mid had opened up for happiness.

Not to say 100%, but at least I cleared part of my negativity out. 

I have new perspective of certain incidents, new concept of life, fresh ideas in improving myself.

It's truly life changing. I am really glad that I participate in the programme!

领悟和知道有很大差别， 真的，这六天我没白来。

About my fear of meditation....

You know what I had in mind when I meditate?

First 3 days :

SEX. What on earth am I doing man. 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

NO GHOST, NO DISGUSTING STUFF, OR CREEPY WEIRD THINGS.

But simply... sex. 

Not for long of course, cause I need to focus in breathing.

My breathing will mess up when I started imagining things AHHAHA

4th day onwards, I mainly focus in relaxing my body and focusing in breathing only,

not sexual pleasure anymore. 

4th day onwards, I have this feeling of not willing to go, cause 3 hours or 4 is a little too much,

plus I hate my legs being numb when we meditate. Maybe that's the main reason.

But partially, the reason was my work. I started doing work quicker than I imagined!

So yeah 6 hours for work is not enough for me. I want to do more, and more, and more.

I had many ideas in my mind when I meditate actually, until I feel like doing work right

on the spot.

haha, see, it's beneficial :)

Unexpectedly good. 

Of course I'm not saying I'm God-Like after this 6 days. Impossible bro.

But overall, I see quite a lot of improvements.

More to come! WOOHOO!!!

Happiness Programme

Seeing me suffering with stress, hormone imbalance issues, my dearest eldest sister signed
me up for a 6 day Breathing and Meditation programme, called The Happiness Programme.

I still remember me attending Latin Class with my mother, it's hell.
Few years ago, honestly, I hate attending all the fitness classes, or dance classes.
Probably because my self-esteem is real low, the lowest in my life.
If I were to attend this breathing class few years ago, I will probably find 100 excuses to not go.

So I attended my first class today, 7pm-10pm.

Unexpected, I am the only youngster there!
It's not a huge class, about 8-10 people attended, mostly aunties, only one man.
The teacher is soooo young, such a cute girl.
We kind of had a little bit of group sharing activity, introducing ourselves,
sharing what are we expecting from this programme, and what bothers us a lot in our life.
Talking about that, I think I wrote the longest list of problem I'm facing now.
All the aunties are so happy with their lives, so positive! DANG I am such a depressing, unsatisfied person.
Okay whatever, I am here to learn, and probably change.
I hope it helps!

The teacher taught us some breathing method and wow, I do feel more calm.
I see things clearer after meditating, definitely understand my body more.
I'm gonna be a vegetarian for 6 days, no tea no coffee, no meat no eggs.
I shall see what happens after this week! I'm so excited. AHAHAH.

Still heavy

Hmm, I lost 5 kg in 3 months, but after I came back from UK
I actually gained back 3kg.
Been jogging everyday already, why am I still so heavy?
And my tummy is still bloated.

Started eating clean recently.
Hope it helps, urgh.....
QUICK I WANT TO SLIM DOWN!!!
QUICK ANOTHER 5KG!!!
QUICK I WANT MY HORMONES BALANCED!!!
QUICK I NEED PERIOD!!!
QUICK I WANT TO WEAR MY DENIM SHORTS!!!

Rainy Days in Ipoh

It was very sunny!!! Beautiful!

But it started raining after 15 minutes I took the sunny photo.
It's the view from my room window.
It's like snowing isn't it?
Very very rainy this few months.

Ah rain rain, you should visit somewhere else.
Malaysia is flooding everywhere, not a good end for 2014 and start for 2015 :(

The rain here is definitely heavier than what I experienced in UK.
This kind of rain in Malaysia is quite harsh, like the sky is throwing stones on you, not like those soft and smooth rain in UK.
Ouch man, it's so painful outside.

哭笑不得

终于，被guilt埋没了那么多个月后我才知道真相。


我在这位先生的车里，吃着它买回来的polish chocolate,
深思着我到底因该怎么继续我们的话题。
也许是我犯贱，问了又问，终得面对面问多一次，
结果我还是忍不住问到底，到底是什么原因他放弃了这感情。

问了那么多次，终于他说了。

我自己后来有点吓到为什么我的反应竟然是那么的awesome.
我听了他的理由后，我手搭着他瘦瘦又结实的肩膀笑了。
unbelievable， I never see this coming.

我有点哭笑不得。但是我还是笑了，叹气了。
原来事情是那么的简单！
种种的问题和矛盾就来自于那个最终理由。
成绩根本不是问题了。对我来说，英国改变了我。
我再也不会觉得成绩能define一个人的知识和实力。
我也很surprised, 我完全没有觉得失望，
完全没有觉得差劲！反而我想支持他，鼓励他！
虽然分开的其中一原因是他觉得我给他很多压力，加上其他方面的压力，
让他觉得透不过气，但是！
我没有非常在乎。我在乎的是，我们在一起3年多，
他竟然没敢坦坦白白的说清楚真相。
这是我的failure. 我没能成为他真正的好朋友，没能成为一个好恋人。
这方面，是我的失败。我成熟的迟了点，我思维改变的迟了点，
让我错过了很多美好的事物。
如果我能早一些聪明的对待他，用更好的方式鼓励他，
我们不会沦落到此地步。

换着是没去英国的我，我肯定不能接受这成绩呀。
看，我也改变了很多。
不能就努力，管他失败了多少次。
成绩不是一切。出来拼肯定不是单考成绩就能赚更多。
所以在英国的日子我醒悟了。

不过说实话，我现在真的舒服很多很多。
我已经不再在乎我们的以后，因为从现在开始，
我们两都能完全投入我们的新生活，干干净净的开始没有对方的日子,
也能重新认识对方。
我相信他的坦白都能使我们进步的更多更快，我能肯定，
下一次我们见面，我们肯定能展现出更成熟的自己。

你不再爱我的事实，我最后终于接受了。

谢谢你的坦白。

:)

Maybe you're right.

We should be friends rather lover.
After all these days I've been struggling with my relationship problems.

没想到我是个很念旧的人。
虽然我和他相处，但我还是又想着你。
现在，很明确觉得我真的很喜欢你。
也许是缘分，我们现在没能在一起，
但我也不敢期望以后会发生什么事。
我怕我会伤心。

也许你说你不爱是真的，
但是先是来说，先分开是好的。
你能专心上课，我能投入在工作，
可能你还会遇到比我更好的女孩。

我们在一起都有三年半，我的确对不起你，
我伤害了你很多次。
我的任性，幼稚，自私，让你留了那么多次泪，
让你心痛了那么多次。不，同时间，
我伤害了很多人，我带来了很多麻烦，
身边的朋友家人，对不起，让你们操心了。
我才发觉，原来你为了我牺牲了很多。
其实我在英国，嘴上说不爱你，不想在一起了，
但我还是没三出你的照片，你的名字在电话里依然是meow mi.
mr faiz 也还和我一起，我们的杯子也还在这。
你送给我的衣服我依然有穿，在英国我也把它放在床头。
原来我还爱你。

我很感激，我很庆幸我能和你一起那么久。
我们有很多不足的地方，我们都得改进。
说不定以后的我能让你对我另眼相看。
说不定以后的我们会在某个地方遇见对方，从新认识对方。

我再次向你道歉。
说一百次，都不够。
和你的日子真的好快乐。

为什么我以一时的冲动说分手？
傻。太傻了。我太幼稚了。
我一直以为我掌握一切，结果谁知道，
你也会有放弃的一天。
这一时的幼稚，令我失去了那么好的你，
是报应，是我拿来的，我错，我就得认错。
我错，我就的接受惩罚。
是应该的。因为你，我也了解到原来我的忍耐力极低。
我败给了寂寞和新鲜感，我败给了我以前都得不到的满足感。

看来我得真得放弃。
好像没希望了，缘分真的没了？
我不敢期望，我不敢想。
这个挑战，我接受了，我现在会自己面对。
下次见面，我希望你会看待更好的我。
祝你学业进步，身体健康。

End of 2014

2014 is really happening in so many ways.
Perhaps this is the year I finally understood things,
finally get to see so much that I never thought I could.

I studied in Hertfordshire, travelled to some European countries,
got to know many awesome people, dove into different design cultures,
graduated in the UK, etc .. wow.
I find myself a little different comparing to the Angel in past 3-5 years.
Couldn't even understand how branding works back then!

Now, I believe that physical environment is a big deal that
can affect one's mental and spiritual health.

Ah, despite of having unhealthy lifestyle,
I've made so many mistakes throughout this period of stay in UK,
but I have learnt more than all the mistakes.
My sister borrowed me a book, something related to The Art of Talking,
in chinese, written by a Taiwanese celeb.
Gotta master this to be a better person.
Hah, not to forget, breathing class is a must next year!

2014 is full of surprises too!
I never knew anyone that have "shape OCD", for example,
having a circle in a square is painful for eyes.
HAHAHAHAHAHAA OH MY GOD.
Funny, hahaha seriously.
Another surprise was the time I discovered more of myself.
Also those people I knew for a long time.
We simply cannot expect things to stay the same all the time.

I remember flying to UK with mum dad, and coming back to Malaysia by myself.
There's this black french staff who do all the bag checking before you proceed to the gate at Paris Airport.
So there's something in my coat, not sure what that triggered the alarm made me
ran though a body scan and a bag checking procedure.
He quickly checked my stuff as I wore my shoes, then picked up my hat and put it
on my head. "That's more like it!" he said.
HAHAHA he thought I'm a Japanese, XD
We had a lil chat, and he told me he couldn't speak fluently in front of asians.
(whuuuttt) And you know what, this whole scenario happened twice.
I met him again when I'm flying back to Malaysia alone.
HAHAHAHAHA and he recognised me! But not my nationality.
Fate! Same person, same place, same conversation, same scenario.
Yes he did put my hat on my head again when Im wearing my shoes. XD

* off topic*
While flying with Air France, I must say the person who created the music playlist
for AirFrance has good taste. Loveeeeee it.
I always check their website (airfrance) to explore some good stuff.


家人，真的重要呀。虽然我没办法和家人相处很久，
但是我真心觉得家人在我心中的地位肯定是有的。
最后想说，我以为我变化很多，但是万万没想到，
你也是。开放了，胆大了，我开始不能理解。

我以为我还会很开心，但是现在，似乎。。。
为什么会这样？

不过还是不能强求，也许这不是好时候。
我希望我们都能专注在该专注的地方，打好学业，事业基础。
其他的我真的不想理会了。我尝试改变结局，可是没成功。
越在乎，就越沮丧烦恼。
今天之前的我肯定会想要掌握一切，但是今天我只能说，
想通了。也许我不是你命中注定的那个人。

WIP

Some work in progress.
I feel motivated, but still, very stress. not enough time.

We could get lost.

"Have you ever been lost?
We could get lost
I wanna get lost"

Sounds very sexual.

AHHAAAAAHAHA.