Frustration

Other than design work, I haven't been soooooo frustrated.


Tonight gonna be big, full of dad's colleagues, relatives and strangers.
So, I got my hair done last month, happy, and some new make up tools, excited.
BUT I did not prepare anything to wear, cause I think I have enough?
Somehow I brought a green blouse for CNY only, feeling unsatisfied......

So...... SHOPPING!

In ipoh.
HAHAHAHA. The decent ones are fashion boutiques rather than shopping malls,
cause yeah Ipoh is not that updated in fashion, still.
I was very happy, cause my mother were trying out dresses too, we finished our chores in the
morning and went shopping after that.
Okay I quite like a few maxi dress and when I put it on.
OH MY GOD DISGUSTING.

And every time I try one, I felt more gross.

It's tight, some are unfit, overall, disastrous.
My heart broke and I almost cried in the fitting room.
And the saddest thing is, my mother wasn't telling me the truth, that
some looks awful, or some made me look fatter.
That's really sad.
People who knows who I am knows talking to me must be straightforward,
if not I won't understand how you actually feel.

At the end of the day, my shopping mood from 200% dropped to 0%.
No hope at all.
In the UK it's easy for me since most lines have up to size 16 clothing.
My upper body is size 12 but my ass is 14. So yeah.
It's impossible to find something big in fashion boutiques.
Asian sizes are smaller that Europeans.

I immediately bought vegetables to cook at night.
Diet diet diet.
I don't have a tiny bit of confidence now.
As I walk pass people, my mind will constantly tell me " they find you big, fat and ugly".


Kay, enough of complaints.


I need more time to change myself completely, especially my body.
Actually I know the main reason of me being so bloated is not food but my daily routine,
okay I slept at 1am yesterday, I'm such a good girl already.
And sooner I will spend more effort in changing my routines.
No worries, just feeling very sad all of sudden.