哭笑不得

终于，被guilt埋没了那么多个月后我才知道真相。


我在这位先生的车里，吃着它买回来的polish chocolate,
深思着我到底因该怎么继续我们的话题。
也许是我犯贱，问了又问，终得面对面问多一次，
结果我还是忍不住问到底，到底是什么原因他放弃了这感情。

问了那么多次，终于他说了。

我自己后来有点吓到为什么我的反应竟然是那么的awesome.
我听了他的理由后，我手搭着他瘦瘦又结实的肩膀笑了。
unbelievable， I never see this coming.

我有点哭笑不得。但是我还是笑了，叹气了。
原来事情是那么的简单！
种种的问题和矛盾就来自于那个最终理由。
成绩根本不是问题了。对我来说，英国改变了我。
我再也不会觉得成绩能define一个人的知识和实力。
我也很surprised, 我完全没有觉得失望，
完全没有觉得差劲！反而我想支持他，鼓励他！
虽然分开的其中一原因是他觉得我给他很多压力，加上其他方面的压力，
让他觉得透不过气，但是！
我没有非常在乎。我在乎的是，我们在一起3年多，
他竟然没敢坦坦白白的说清楚真相。
这是我的failure. 我没能成为他真正的好朋友，没能成为一个好恋人。
这方面，是我的失败。我成熟的迟了点，我思维改变的迟了点，
让我错过了很多美好的事物。
如果我能早一些聪明的对待他，用更好的方式鼓励他，
我们不会沦落到此地步。

换着是没去英国的我，我肯定不能接受这成绩呀。
看，我也改变了很多。
不能就努力，管他失败了多少次。
成绩不是一切。出来拼肯定不是单考成绩就能赚更多。
所以在英国的日子我醒悟了。

不过说实话，我现在真的舒服很多很多。
我已经不再在乎我们的以后，因为从现在开始，
我们两都能完全投入我们的新生活，干干净净的开始没有对方的日子,
也能重新认识对方。
我相信他的坦白都能使我们进步的更多更快，我能肯定，
下一次我们见面，我们肯定能展现出更成熟的自己。

你不再爱我的事实，我最后终于接受了。

谢谢你的坦白。

Little baby

/// Faiz ///


What a busy Easter holiday and exam week for him!
Didn't catch up with him for quite some time, keep dragging one story don't have time to tell me.
I am still waiting baby. HAHAHA.

We both look so old recently.
Must be our sleeping cycle and stress. MUST BE.
By the day, this boy really looks like Handsome Squidward.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA. OMG.
I can't stop laughing. That eyes chin and mouth.
95% ALIKE!!! My gosh. too funny, I cant stop laughing. HAHAHA!!!

Ee Suen introduced me a site, 100 happy days.
The idea is to let you post a photo of what makes you happy everyday, until day 100.
She is doing this everyday and she said she can feel the difference, and somehow she feel happier!
Well yeah this site can let us cherish something everyday, and post it, remembering it.
This is good, and I just signed up for that.
I chose to use Tumblr to post my photos.
For some reasons I believe this could work :)
LETS DO THIS!!!

LINK to 100 happy days!

太霸道

你说说看，谁会想和一个极度小气和没耐心的男人在一块？

我想着想着，这三年来和我男朋友在一起，他成长了很多很多。

比我小一岁但必和我同年或大我几年的都来得比较成熟一些。

这个真的是不能否定的。

很多事情他都愿意让一步，

低头说对不起等小细节，我都记得住。

一开始他也是好像狮子那么强势，发小孩脾气，

没耐性，冲动爱面子。

但是现在真不同呢。是不是我也帮助到他成长呢？

以前很多时候我还真的不想说话不想吵，掉头就走！

现在懂咯，我不出声就知道事情大条了。

今天和那个所谓很谈得来的男生大吵一架，

就因为很小的事，因为照片的事而已！！！

开什么玩笑！！！那么久了让我那么生气还真难得。

我第一次想骂他死小孩。哈哈哈哈哈哈！！！！！！！！

我也告诉我男朋友了。我还真的没遇过那么小气的男生。

我也和一个朋友抱怨了，到最后只能把它当笑话看咯。

不然只会让自己更生气，更愤怒。

这少爷实在是太霸道了。

你家里什么条件我不在乎，你是谁到最后还只是一个普通人。

你多么固执就你自己去，你还真以为你要我做什么我最会跟着做啊？

屁话！ 只是因为一些相片而已！！！！

有够霸道。好，ignore你看你是否在乎这段友谊。

如果依然那么固执我也没必要联络了。

我有没有你我也能生活。

没有这些人出现你很难能了解你身边的人有多好，

你的男朋友有多么的好。

oh i love you my little faiz.

我发觉我喜欢的男生脸都很长。
哈哈哈哈啊！！！

3 years

Ma current wallpaper.
U look so funny. HAAHAHA.

Ah, a picture last month, in traditional clothing.
My fetish. HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Last year, see the difference?
I think you look more tired now, and I grew fatter now.
D;

My favorite part of being together is seeing
my bf make food, or wash dishes.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Personally think that it's sexy.

/// 3 ///

3 years, 3 different places. Ipoh, KL, UK.

3rd time saying, happy anniversary.
Happy 3 years anniversary Faiz.
Everything is like a sign, things I do, info I research on,
all comes with the number 3.
Like my chosen brief, I need to do research about The White Stripe's orchestra album
Aluminium, an album about AI3+, and 3 was highlighted in the whole album.
Jack White(lead singer of the duo rock band) loves the number 3, thats why.


wow, we're together for so long huh?

I looked up our old photos few minutes ago and I find it hard to believe.....
Why you'll like me, the old me. I look so ugly. HAHAHA!!!
Same old questions, I won't bug you to answer me anymore cause I know this question is
really really boring.... XD
I guess distance made us stronger and stronger yeah? :D
(I know we've been so lonely and dry lately......)

This is how it feels like for not touching each other for a few months,
no words can describe this urge to see you and touch you.

I met quite some guys, many pattern, but in conclusion,
I masih love guys with long face like you. XD
Maybe me and my mother both has a long face. HAHAHA!!!
Used to long face? But I really like your look la. Don't know why.


就是喜欢你那副有点坏蛋的样子。
呵呵我觉得你拍照还挺上镜的，但你总是摆出很样衰的脸， 很恶心那种。
但是我还是很喜欢咯，喜欢长得高高的你低头黏着我，有可爱到～！
噢噢噢我最喜欢看你洗碗，背影超帅！（背多分？？？啊哈哈哈！！）
然后无论我多么丑，多么狼狈，多么肮脏，多么臭，你还是会抱抱我。
当我很累的时候，你都会自动帮我捏捏肩膀，回到家帮我按摩脚底，
我每次都觉得，我起不是变成女王了啦？
无论我长得怎么样你都不介意，除了家人和一些朋有以外，我，
只有在你眼中显得更加有价值。很明显。

就只有你发现到一些别人不在乎的事。

在你眼里，我知道，一个那么不自信那么不起眼的人都会变成舞台上的主角。
我不敢说我对你有多大影响，但是我很欣慰，你改变了很多很多。
以前的是不多说，我们讨论现在。
现在的你越来越有自信，越来越有上进心，越来越理智。
很棒，3年里你成长不少哦。我还记得第一年我给你气得要死。
真的是气得快疯了。哈哈哈。你才知道你以前多么ulu!!! beh tahan......
嗯，3年来吵过闹过，但很值得高兴的是我们找对了解决问题的方式。
也许是那样我们才沟通得更好。

你开不开心？

我们没办法见面但还好有hangouts.
看见你我每次每次都好开心。
以前每天晚上通电话都是。很兴奋。
最近我发觉到，我好像只在你面前显得兴奋，有活力！
又好又不好咯。。。。可能人家以为我冷血，或是很苦恼，不然就是个很闷的人。
差不多是这些例子吧。。。。大概猜得出。
也许是我没有调整好心情？
但是看见你和跟你说话真的很开心哦。很喜欢和你说话。
喜欢晚上谈天，你的语气和声音都会让我很困。。很想睡。。睡。。。
是个好事，因为我很难入睡。
哎呀，好想睡在你怀里啦，（虽然每期都滚开因为太热～）
可能这里没那么热，滚不开！ XD

和你一起的3年我很开心哦！
希望我们能继续一起成长，一起看世界好吗？
有点害羞但是我还真的是很想说谢谢你照顾我，有时我真的很小孩，
很希望被人疼。我很珍惜你和我一起的时光。
我还记得我们第一次见面的时候呢！
我很爱你哦！！！

LRC day

My presents from Malaysia, from my sweetheart Faiz/
HAAHAHAAHA
PLEASE the funny thing is that 2 london related things
are from MALAYSIA.
I'm like.
what. the . heck.
I can buy myself here okay.
But i loveeeee the polka dot pillow. SUPER COMFY!!!

checking my own eyes in LRC.

ITS MIDNIGHT!

man.
We were still there at 5am.

So luckily LRC, which is our library provides a3 printings, color, so 2 days before submission I went
with suhan and david to get some research printed, also some finals.
The next day I got a bad news from the others about the color printers in LRC were spoilt
OMG. I bet there's alot of classmates going there to print their work also using their own paper to
get things printed.
Maybe thats the reason....... HAHAHAHA!!!
I see some of my mates rushing their work there as well. FUNNY.
Even girlfriends came to accompany them. XD
We got home about 6 i think..
Super tired, super super tired.

White bed

That dream was so real having you waking up right beside me on a white bed in the morning.
Feels really good. You are so cute.
Maybe someday we will wake up like this, side by side on a white bed, with white
bed sheets and white blanket.
You were wearing a white tank top, smiled when you woke up seeing me looking at you.
I bet this is what every couple wish to be everyday.

This relationship is going to be 3 years soon, unexpectedly fast and long.
But this doesn't matter. What I care is you.
Are you happy? Are you improving yourself? Do you feel loved?
Have you enjoyed your time after we're in a relationship?

Babe, let's achieve our goals together okay?
I will support you. I will!
Love you so much.

It's so hard to not be loyal sometimes, when you have someone who cares
so much about you, and treat you so well and could accept your every good and bad things.
Faiz, I thank you for loving me comforting me so long.
Giving me so much support when I'm in stress and I'm fighting with fear.
I love you.

Distance, stronger

I can imagine that is an earring.
SUPER HOT.
OMG like pirates or don't know.
I'm so turned on.
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!
I like.. this kind of  look. URGH!!!!

AIYOYO!!

My saliva almost tumpah edi.
YOU BECAME MORE MACHO THAN I THOUGHT!!!

I can't wait to hug you and touch you. URGH!!!!!
I AM SO DESPERATE TO SEE YOU!!!!
I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!! 4 months without seeing meeting touching kissing hugging all.
SO HARD TO MAINTAIN!!!
But distance makes us stronger, USH!!!!

End of sem 1.

Here's some videos of what I saw around The Forum.

WOW, they have random dancers dancing around!

Bought this for my niece in my sister's tummy Zoe~~
I bought dogs cause I feel that my sister's family is more
associated with doggies. Doggies everywhere!

Barn owl who tries to
ignore us photographing it.

2 Sad looking reindeers, :(

Turkey time.
ToT
Didin't eat turkey meat for a long long time.

HOHO super cute!!

Lovely ceramic pendant by our product design students.

what I bought from the lil mini Xmas market.

Monster "ink".
HEHEHEHEHE...

Merry

Xmas!!!

Gave this 2 to Joanne and Ashley cause I met them. HAHA

Mr faiz and me.
AH, he became another faiz.

Faiz's pet.
Super cute kitty.

This is one of the best thing i ever had.
OHHHH NOM NOM NOM!!!!
With fudge brownies man!!

/// Relax mode ///


So I finished my 26+ pages dissertation.
It's a long run man, they said my eyes look very dead and I have red eyes.
Yeah. I didn't really sleep actually.
And I have to wake up after 9 hours later to prepare, and say bye to Hatfield Hi to Dublin.

Yes, I'm going to Dublin (Ireland) and Paris for a week!!!!!

I'm actually very tired now.
But feels a little excited.HEHE HEHEHE HEHEHEHE.
Must bring my sketchbook along!!!
WEWWW..
I am seriously very tired now. Gotta sleep soon..
yawns....

So I won't be bringing laptop, so I won't be updating blog or anyone of you in 7 days.
Unless I got free wifi, HAHAHA.
Gotta faint soon.
Take care!!1

trees go naked

The :ego Shop in Watford.
Saw the colorful round blocks?
Its a container for each color, and you can dig the amount you want.
Put it in a cup, and then pay.
Super cute.

2 Days ago.
AH. Look at the tree.

Pretty sad.
No more leaves.

Recently I sleep quite early, after tuesday, :D
And so I have more time for this boy.

Look so kesian, so innocent omg...

Winter is coming.
There's some ice around this morning..
Man, it's freaking cold here!!!

This week

Warm.
YES!!!!! Thanks to Uniqlo.

OHOHOHOOHOH 

This is like... what...
so cute...
HAHAHAHAHAHA

Everything is nice.
/// lunch time ///

But I failed to finish this dish.
TOO MUCH BRO, TOO MUCH.
Happened at The Forum.

HAHA my phone's wallpaper!
look at the alarm clocks, that amount will wake me up.
set this at 4.36 midnight.

/// yawn ///

I went to watford yesterday, to buy the rest of my stuffs, like shoes and a few long sleeve sweatshirts.

Then now, i am officially done buying winter clothing.

Enough for now. :D

YAY! yesterday I woke up pretty late, after being tired for a week, like a cheat day huh.

Then I spent 3 hours cooking 2 meals. what the heck man.

And I suck in handling raw chicken.

I SUCK. I can't stop them bleeding! then I searched up google for solutions.

Man, I wanted to fry it , in the end I felt that, frying will make things worse so I wrap it

with aluminium foil and put it in the oven.

Luckily it feels better. Usually I cook more, I simply cannot judge the portion,

so I tapao some up. so today no need to cook 3 meals.

YAY!!!

2 years 9 months

Google Hangout is more stable than skype.
YAY!

YAY! happy 2 years 9 months and 2 days!
Gotta cook and meet him tomorrow for anniversary dinner! (my lunch time)
Can't wait to see what you eat, AHAHAHAH!!!
Mmm~ almost 3 years baby! your face look so...tired.
Probably recently you did not have enough sleep.
Told ya, your dad gonna kill you. You better sleep early and don't drag each other's time young man.
No more naughty naughty please!!!

Now go do what you're supposed to do okay?
Don't make me ignore you ha. HAHAHAHAH!!!
Well see ya soon! WOOOO~~~

Last 2 meet ups before leaving

WHAT DA FORK.
AHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!
MY UGLIEST and FATTEST MOMENT.

but i like it. HHAHA!!!

We got too much ugly photos.
HAHAHA!!! Look at him, so flat XD
Like turtle neck. HAHAHA or say Thumb. 

Hmm, if only I look the same like this in reality.
Wow actually the "cat eye liner" is naturally formed itself not eyeliner.
Just follow the line and enhanced it with some eye shadow.

Happy 2 years 7 months babe!!!
Damn I'm so fat.

So! This trip to Subang cost me quite a lot. HAHAAH!!!
To bug big size luggage bags and some winter clothing, also to meet up some friends!
Really got not much time to meet all of them since one of the course will be having presentation on Friday, the day I go back to hometown.

Met Jing Foong, Jack, Angie, Claire, Bebe, and Khai Xing only.
Pretty sad. Nobody actually reply me when I ask for a meet up.  :'(
It's okay, we can still meet after a year, it's not forever right?


Me, Angie, Claire and Bebe made an unexpected group.
We are quite different and we seldom meet up and chat, but some reasons we got to
gather and talk like 38.
Especially me and Angie. AHAHAHA!!!
Bf told me that me and Angie look alike, our hair our body and interests.
HAH not bad!!! Angie showed me a limited edition BL manga while driving to Bangsar for our meal.
Everything cost around rm80 for one book with shipping fee.
Geng. I admire her passion of buying real manga, not pirated printed manga.
I will definitely buy Asumiko Nakamura's manga for real once I earn enough money for them.