Midnight rain

The small lil pathway that I need to use
in order to fo to LRC.
It's surrounded with woods, and it's so cold.

I came back to my room soaking wet.
But it's nice to walk under the rain at 4-5 am.

Don't let negativity blindfold you. 

 /// 4 am walk ///


I can't really sleep, so I decided to get some reference printed in LRC.
I sent of my documents online to print, all I need to do is to collect them.

Didn't expect to have rain, it was extra cold.
It's about 15 minutes walk to the LRC but I the route I usually take is under
services and blocked, so I have to walk back and take another way to LRC.
The woods. It's a little scary at night but ghosts doesn't bug me here in UK,
I simply don't feel anything about spirits here maybe cause culture and race difference.
Pretty depress, cause it's raining and I have to walk so long.
Oh well, my bad to not check my email they sent to all of the students
regarding the blocked road. Man.

It was so quiet until I find it sad to walk like this. Depress.

I go on youtube to checkout some songs and played while walking to the LRC.
Feels better but doesn't make much difference.
Sometimes I will do things like this out of no where, cause I can actually print or collect them
in the morning. Something just made me get my ass off from my chair.
That sudden mood, sudden urge to go out and feel some loneliness.
So I reached, Wailok (jayden) was waiting for me with my documents
cause I asked him to collect from the printer in case it's gone or mistaken by people.
After he passed me my stuffs, I didn't go home straight.
I chose a spot for me to sit down and lean against the wall around the main entrance.
The guard and a few people saw me sitting there, I bet they must be thinking
this girl's drunk or on drugs.

Part of the reason made me stay is because of I need to protect my documents.
Then... Simply feeling lonely and want to have some time alone outside.
To chill my mind. It's been a pretty stressful week.
Full of assignments and social problems.
So i just sat there, trying to leave my brain blank, but it's so hard.
Why can't women be like men, to have empty moments in our heads?
I can't even do that when I am about to sleep!

Lamiya posted on fb yesterday, about her should start giving a fuck on people's feelings.
My case is the opposite. It is so so so difficult okay?
I am trying..... Everyone knows that I care how people see me.
And you guys know how serious am I. (I am trying not to be serious.)
There's this song by Alaa Wardi made me sooooooo sad.
That arabian vocals are so nice. But that song. ITS LIKE TELLING ME WHAT I NEED TO DO.
IS IT A SIGN??!! ITS SO DIFFICULT.
I sat there, checking out people's instagrams, checking out my photo albums.
Scrolling scrolling... .. . Then I realize memories made us all weak and strong at the same time.
It's alright I am fine, I am doing good now, but you have to understand
we all have a little emotional time okay....
What a terrible week I had. No, it was just a a few days ago but it felt like
a week or more?
Plus my period is almost here, moodswing moodswing.
I think I need to start watching comedies, cartoons and movies.
Cause it makes difference actually!
Also, I have to think positively, so I am able to produce positive aura and then let things change right?
Thats what the book of secrets teaches us correct?

+ positive +

Whatever. Whatever what happen in the future, I must now concentrate in my damn project.
3 projects all must be handed in after 2 months. Scary...

I.. need... to... FOCUS.
FOCUS.FOCUS. AND FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS.
I must be rude for today.
I fucking hate the word "insight" from now on,
and people who think they know me very well.
Even my sisters don't know everything about me, okay?
Shut up before you pisses me off.
I may seem like pattern A on the surface but actually
I have a lot of different patterns you never knew.
And pattern A that you see, it's just a really really surface thing.
Only people who's really close to me knows what am I thinking.

There's this one mate who think she knows me so well. (not talking about suhan, halie nor any close mates back in malaysia)
She kind of know 10% of me but she acts like she knows me so well.
Stop saying I am checking my angmo classmates out.
I am not interested. PLEASE. You think my time are 99% on guys?
PLEASE. I may on my scanner often but please, not always and everyday okay.
And you obviously don't understand which type I fancy  >: (

Now I realize, I can't have many close friends.
I will only have 1-2 in the end. Who knows my stuffs really well.
Cause it's really about the feeling you hangout with certain people.
Some people will have the feeling of making you split out your
history and true shitty stories. I don't usually do that.
Sigh. It's good. I have great close friends. I love you guys.
Thanks for always cheering me up.
I don't actually have time like this, it's rare.
But it's good, it releases my stress out loud.
It's been a long time I haven't transform myself into a gorilla.
:')

Mama in UK

This should be posted a month ago but yeah....
I got a lot to do so I didn't edit them much.
AH... I miss my family so much.

There's more photos coming up after a few more post I guess...
HAHAHA.
Argh!!! I miss the awesome four season roasted duck in China Town!!!
I realized, most of the chinese dish in london serves in really small portions.
Super small, you will hope to order and eat more but because of the price....
You won't in the end.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA.
Unless you want to celebrate!

Mum gave me her luggage bag cause I got too much to carry home, got
tomyam paste, tea, coffee, noodles, chinese herbs and stuffs...
Ah, the taste of Malaysia and home. How wonderful.
When you get a chance to work or stay in another country for more than 3 months,
you'll realize how important is home, the taste, the smell and the people from home.

Compare to one or two of my mates,
I don't really miss home THAT much. Like.. I can still stay here longer.
I won't feel like how they feel, I don't have the urge to go back to Malaysia.
I miss home. I miss my family. But i still can survive here. HAHAHA.

number 1

It's so good to have a friend who studies psychology.
I think I will really be her number 1 patient forever.

Jiayin, thanks man.

Gorilla

Since young my sisters always call me ape/gorilla.
Cause I look like one they say.

And today, I felt this way.


Was talking on phone with suhan, releasing stress,
and I was like shouting all the way,
FORKKKK!!!! MADDA!!!!
TAMADA!!!!
OMG IM SO STUPID!!!!
HOLY SHIIIITTTTT!!!!
WALAO EHHHHH!!!!
URGGHHH!!! ARGHH!!! OHHHRRGGGHHH!!!


Yeah man.
And I also opened my window.
So that my voice won't stuck in my room affecting my mates only.
AHHAHAHA what a shitty mate they got here.
Luckily my neighbor is not in, but I think the others heard me for a while.
I LOVE IT. I LOVEEEE IT.
I FELT SO GOOD AFTER SHOUTING.


/// all above happened before the blog post before this ///

英国的第一个过客？

我告诉大家我和这位朋友的事了，大家都说他不值得要，
连我妈妈都劝我说别为这个人伤心了。
我也告诉了我男朋友，大家都觉得我太善良了，一直为他找借口，
一直怪自己，像盲人似的没有方向。

开玩笑。陈安琪几时那么冲动，那么盲目？
那么久了，这还是我第一次做那么疯狂的事.
不过还好啦，年轻嘛。

也还真的没想到这个人会那么极端。
他还真的以为我什么法律都不清楚。
你觉得我的人脉有那么小没有？？？
我是陈老板的女儿好不好，多少都有遗传他的一些
优良基因。HAHAHAHAHA！！！
（我只有在这里那么不要脸。因为不太多人看到。哈哈哈哈！）
哼，我没事，才不会有事。
。。。。。。。。呵呵呵呵。。。。
我没那么容易。
所以说，人，要郊游广阔，intelligence和power必须要balance.


哈哈，原本这篇是很长的但是找人说说，
这里诉苦一下，那里说说一下我没事了。
原来我有事的时候找人说说就会好多了。
I'm feeling alright now!!!
其实也还是件很简单的事，是我想太多，顾虑太多。
此事放一边，最重要是我能深一层了解我的弱点。
太容易被人欺负，太容易妥协。
其实都有好处，那样活得比较自在，因为不太计较。

想来想去，也不是想要怪这个人。
使他不会做出对的行动，不能怪他，他长大的环境没能让他
了解放下尊严有多重要，宽容耐心多重要。
没关系，等到他有一天反省了，可能他才会了解这件事让大家
造成多少误会和矛盾。可能到呢一天他会后悔呢。
等他想通了，就证明他成长了。
我们每个人都希望地球人能成为更好的人吧。
虽然他很伤人，让我好费力，但是原谅吧。
原谅他人会让我好过一些。
我有我的错，放下一切道歉了真的会好很多哦。
管他懂不懂他自己有没有错，管他要不要继续和我做朋友，
最重要是对得起自己。到头来获益的是自己。

虽然这个人行为很够力极端，但是他之前真的对我很好很照顾我。
我也能知道这人到底是怎样的，我懂要怎样面对他。
也许他真的会成为过客，或可能还会是朋友。
无所谓了。学业比较重要！
冲！！！！！！！！！！

太霸道

你说说看，谁会想和一个极度小气和没耐心的男人在一块？

我想着想着，这三年来和我男朋友在一起，他成长了很多很多。

比我小一岁但必和我同年或大我几年的都来得比较成熟一些。

这个真的是不能否定的。

很多事情他都愿意让一步，

低头说对不起等小细节，我都记得住。

一开始他也是好像狮子那么强势，发小孩脾气，

没耐性，冲动爱面子。

但是现在真不同呢。是不是我也帮助到他成长呢？

以前很多时候我还真的不想说话不想吵，掉头就走！

现在懂咯，我不出声就知道事情大条了。

今天和那个所谓很谈得来的男生大吵一架，

就因为很小的事，因为照片的事而已！！！

开什么玩笑！！！那么久了让我那么生气还真难得。

我第一次想骂他死小孩。哈哈哈哈哈哈！！！！！！！！

我也告诉我男朋友了。我还真的没遇过那么小气的男生。

我也和一个朋友抱怨了，到最后只能把它当笑话看咯。

不然只会让自己更生气，更愤怒。

这少爷实在是太霸道了。

你家里什么条件我不在乎，你是谁到最后还只是一个普通人。

你多么固执就你自己去，你还真以为你要我做什么我最会跟着做啊？

屁话！ 只是因为一些相片而已！！！！

有够霸道。好，ignore你看你是否在乎这段友谊。

如果依然那么固执我也没必要联络了。

我有没有你我也能生活。

没有这些人出现你很难能了解你身边的人有多好，

你的男朋友有多么的好。

oh i love you my little faiz.

我发觉我喜欢的男生脸都很长。
哈哈哈哈啊！！！

Party Babe

Club final night, AWW YEAH!!!
This jersey dress is pretty cheap from H&M.

Club day one.

My french flatmate Charlotte.
That lipstick mark is my revenge!!!
Day 2!!!

Evan's birthday and he's giving his speech like a King.
HAHAHAHA!!!
Look at the table, that's how we celebrate.

Charlotte kissed me on my left cheek, and then halie came
to balance it up. HAHAA!!

At Forum's bar with Halie!

And Ashley!
We just want to try partying in a foreign country!

AHHHHAAAAA SHE IS SUPER TALL I TELL YA. (ashley and suhan's flatmate)
6 Foot or more. She's only 18!
She told me her " black girl's secret ".
HAHAHAHAHA about hair and stuffs.

/// Party + Club ///

So it's Julia's party and Evan's party, so we went to their place for pre-drink
then move to The Forum to have some fun.
It's my very very first time to club with friends, the music sucks cause the DJ
keep on talking in between songs and the moment before climax,
super sucky!!!! EUW!!!! Day 2 was better but still. suck man.

It feels weird to be partying in a foreign place, it's a little dark but still we can see our skin color.
Not much asians around the club, there's a few hot asian girls, woohoo.
Environment, okay, we just went to experience the aura, I didn't really liked it.
It's just music dance lo, or maybe got guys hit on you.
Most of them are single I guess (i think so..... AHHAHA)

One big thing I learnt from this 2 days:
I never admit this 100%, but after this 2 days in a club, I finally accepted this fact:
No westerns nor chinese likes me, except middle eastern people.
Like iranian, Pakistani, turkish, etc places.
Yeah although some are hot, but still... SAD LO.
There's only 2 white guys hit on me and danced with me, others all middle eastern.

WALAO EH............

SIEN LO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The other friends got many market also.
I remember people grabbing my ass. -_-)
but I can't find who was it.
Whatever, club is a club, these happens, plus i'm in a western club (The forum)
Well, I gained some experience in clubs, not entirely bad.
Finally I got to know more drinks. HA. HA. HAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

One of my luckiest thing is I met a Iranian guy who I find him nice.
We can talk for a long time, we can talk about religion, discuss openly.
He respects me and didn't have any intentions of having sex or what
after I clarified in the club, he just bought me a drink, and he bought himself a redbull.
Cause he don't want to drink alcohol, pretty strict to himself, food must be halal.
Then we just talk talk talk. Not bad, we just contact though whatsapp,
no fb or what. HAHA, and i realized he is a super self-loving virgo guy,
introvert but inside is damn proud of himself and how he looks.
Beh TAHAN!!!!!!!!
Even cover photo is his face. O.M.G.

I asked about it and he answered me this way :

"who doesn't love themselves?"

I was like, I love but not as extreme as you bro.
-___-)a  So confident man. But don't social. The heck man.
Nevermind, just a nice guy.
See what else I can see after knowing him longer, I can sense some extreme flaws now.
HAHAHAHAAH. EXTREME!!!!

Rainbow

Chicken and mushroom soup.

Roasted pork. but too hard. disappointed lo.

HAHAHAHA Fries for my flatmate Lamiya.

/// Rainbow ///


It's a restaurant's name.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.
RIGHT. Okay lo, I thought it will taste better but...
NEVERMIND.

Epic mates

Julia's newsprint.
A homage of an abandoned space too.

woooo so beautiful.

This book is a homage project about
Fukushima Daichi!!!
Burnt and abandoned. 

Laser cut texts. WICKED!!!!
So she even tried to burn the paper (symbolizing the burning effect and story),
ultra cool, a really really good.
The way they apply the concept is good.

Another epic project.
Homage to record shops!!!

DAMN!

he made the book like those record files,
for vinyls!!! it's really epic.

This is the packaging of the book.

/// epic-ness ///


So our lecturer selected a range of students out of a few briefs we did last sememster to
present their work.
I am not selected. SADDDDD. Malaysian got one being selected!
There's more from the presentation, see if I want to post if up soon not.

So motivated. So many nice works.
Superb!!!!!!! GENG AH!!!!!!

Doodles

Yes. Very motivated.

Ah....Not snowing yet...

Amitabha Kuan Yin + Aluminium.
Just some thoughts when I see an aluminium atom.

I really really love afro!!!!
YO MAN!!!!

Angie. HAHAHAHAHA.

Just some doodles and me.
Nothing much.

Blue

/// blue ///


Self portrait last week.

Feeling blue.
Did not get enough sleep and rest recently.
Been awake at night, being tired in the morning.
I couldn't sleep yesterday, was rolling on bed for 1-2 hours, with fresh brain.
So I got off my bed and started to work out at 6a.m.

Then finally got a little tired and slept at 7+.

Today, I drank coffee, damn it.
Tomorrow got so much to do, class and brainstorm sessions.
My sleeping cycle is sooo off this few days.

The xl Brief

LRC day.

This is pretty good!!! LOVE!

This is one topic im focusing on.
My brief , SUPER ONG.

/// some stuff ///


Black white red are the identity of this band, and I chose this brief cause
it is related to music, orchestra and ballet.
Check out The White Stripe's orchestra album Aluminium,
cool stuff. And cool album design. Minimalist graphics.

I will be seeing red for a long period, hope it can ong-kan me.
HAAHAHAHAH!!!
ONG AH!!!!