What these mean to me?

I feel so far behind.
I doubt my talent, like really doubt.

Flashing back at degree 1st year, 2nd year.
The reason of me taking this pathway is to strengthen my skills.
My graphic design skills......
I felt so energetic. But now... Battery low. Alert!!!

Assignments that I received give me such a horrible shock.
I knew I dislike them. I knew it when I received the brief.
But why I want to continue them?
I don't feel happy like how I react to the other pathway's assignments.
Did I chose right?

Learning GD not just about polishing my design sense and skills,
it's about working opportunities too.

I am so sure that I will be much happier in the other pathway.
I can do hell lot better than what I am doing now.
These facts are true for sure and you know that too.
Mates who's reading this post.
But why am I here? To prove that I can do both?
To prove that I can pick up this pathway like a boss?
To prove that I also have talent?

But so far I see nothing.
So far i think I am still shitty.
Why diploma students can do so well.. This confuses me somehow.
Same batch but why?? I am doing so many research putting so much effort but
when i comes to constructing my own work..
Total frustration. Disappointment. What the hell I can do?
A single logo took me so long. SINGLE LOGO.
The feeling is not right, the strokes are weird. Why la what happen to me?

Looking at what I have in my albums.
Hmm. Again I doubt my photography skills.
I don't even know which level I'm standing at.
I dislike taking modeling pictures, but usually those pictures have more credits.
People love them more- Fashion Photography.
But I dislike people posing. Awkward.
I don't know. I think I don't have any talent.

Hmm what else.
Appearance.
Why the heck I care this topic so much?!
Again about hair face body thing.
Hmm. Sometimes I can feel that I am not so cared.
Among friends. Not so important.
They say everyone has their own importance no matter how.
Maybe I will be important some where else.. Maybe? Future?
What I want again.
To prove that I can be shinny? I can look better than before?
To make people like me more because of my appearance?


And I hate how people stares at boobs.
Wanna stare go watch online. Yeeyuck.
Poke their eyes gao gao. =_=)v