别往后看

为了自己，我得这样做。这里的一切真美好。

To my meow.

Hello wa~

How have you been? Guess you're very free now, after exams and all hectic things, must be feeling happier at home lu. I don't know why am I writing this but something just triggered my feeling to write something for you and myself, without you knowing, without me losing it since I'm a clumsy and forgetful person. Sounds pathetic, but sometimes, we just have to. Okay no, please don't feel so.. man..

So.. How wan ya :3  Must be very happy at home o, have your best bed and all the good food, not to forget, siblings that makes you happy. If you're going to work with your uncle in Cameron Highlands then it will be great since the environment is a lot better there. You will like it there after such stressful month you had. 4 months of break is sweet, I wish I have it too :)

Time is moving faster, I managed to finish my freelance work so that I can start planning and applying jobs. Where to start from? Singapore? With our Malaysian currency like this, Singapore is a better choice tho, most of them agreed on this. Nevermind, apply first, decide later, haha! I was checking my emails few minutes ago and I typed in your email address at the search bar and boom, everything popped out, our emails and some backed up hangout messages. I remember reading them when we broke up, everything, it gave me chills. This could be the reason I am writing this. Everytime we are about to break up, we used to write a long long message/ letter to each other, but this time, we didn't. You probably don't even care expressing yourself to me anymore.

There's many empty plastic bottles at home and I have decided to turn them into my dumbbell, pretty health conscious lately! My muscles are getting obvious now, but it made me look fatter :/  I guess you too na, no muay thai for some time already, plus your back got problem, also didn't update me about your back wan. Hope you're okay na, rub rub meow back. Like an old grandpa already o! Have you imagined how will we look like when we're 70 or 80 years old if we are still alive? I think you'll still look thin, but of course, many many wrinkles, probably more than me, haha. Hmm, I never thought that I will fall sick, like honestly, I'm seldom sick. So that 2 days I felt so shitty, useless much, because I'm supposed to go get my portfolio back. Mana tau fell sick for 2 days! The second night was very saddening, because I am all alone, thinking about what you'll do to take care of me when I'm sick. Couldn't help myself crying like a kid again. You told me you would suck out all the mucus in my nose when I cry, and every time I will laugh, it's too funny and you actually tried to suck it once! I miss these little moments so much.

You know what, sometimes I can totally picture you lying down in bed, or doing things like how you used to at home. 5 years, we actually became friends for 5 years! I know every angle of you and I can imagine you are here, cool huh? I wonder if you do the same. :)  I like you calling me Xiaomi and bao bei alot. Meow meow mi ya, when I think about you, it was always the happy memories, I feel like I couldn't have you anymore now, and future. It all became our past and memories. The moment my mother open her luggage, I knew I will keep and hug the pillow all the time, with my little Mr Faiz. It was one of the happiest moments, as you know receiving presents from you is rare, and it was a big one! together with a note book and a wooden soldier sculpture.. I really really like it, I don't even put anything on it, just for hugging. The urge of texting you is strong, still, but I simply can't do that, I know if I do that, I won't be appreciated anymore. So I can only let it be, let time pass and accept the worst if you're not gonna look for me forever.

What other choice do I have?

Those days when we can bath and take a shit together were the best, we're really comfortable with each other and can do disgusting things that grosses us out afterwards. Like no distance between our minds, like no wall between us, things were so much easier and simpler back then. I obviously know there will be a tough route for us to continue our journey together, but if we don't stand strong ourselves, nobody can help us. If our love is so strong, nobody can stop us.

All I wanted, is to be with you until I die, I'd rather be like this. But maybe, I missed the chance to. I never though of this would happen to us. If I turned 60 without being together with you, I wish you're happy with your life that way, living it to the fullest until we disappear in this world. Ah meowa.. my ben ben naughty meow.. Still got naughty naughty not? Be guai okay? I love you, very very much baby. I do love you.

New Blog

Still editing the blog, under "renovation". HAHAHAHA

http://theunknowncosmos.blogspot.com/

And finally, I am preparing my new blog for my new life.
New diary! Better design, better feeling!

Thinking of making an illustration blog.
hmm......

Stimming

Quote of the day :

" Perfectionism is something from morons. "
- Stimming, 2015


HAHAHAHAHHAHAA.




Here's a cool interview of Stimming, Dj / Electronic artist from Germany. (2nd vid)
If I never met Csaba, I don't think I will get to know this talented artist.
From his work and interviews, you can tell that he is really precise,
he got his strong thinking behind how his music should be and fell by audiences.
This video of him playing using 4DSOUND founded by Paul Oomen is really awesome,
gigs like this is a +++, MUST GO!!!
It's sensational!!! These pillar like speakers are installed in different places,
this changes the experiences of the sound controlled by the DJ on tablets.
Check how the sound system works below!
To him, it's not only beats and waves. It's definitely more than that.
Hello, he listens to classical.

ARGH! He's so cool and cute! OHHH FAINT.

女生的頭都不能亂摸

不管幾歲，女生的頭都不能亂摸，摸了就會出事。

會瞬間開啟戀愛模式。

(與友人閒聊有感)

- Ridiculous Dream Make Love (facebook)

I agree. 

HAHAHAHAHA

Shaman King KZB

Throughout all these years after Shaman King Original have ended with a brief and unexpected ending,
I should have been googled about the ending and discover Shaman King Kang Zeng Bang!!!

Kang Zeng Bang / Zankenban is basically "the complete version", 完全版,
released after many years the original version finished requested by many fans.
Seems like the artist was having a hard time when you read the letter in the last chapter of the original.
Funbari No Uta, Shaman King Zero, Shaman King Flowers were released
after Kang Zeng Bang/Kanzenban/KZB.
There you will read stories about Yoh Asakura's and Anna's son.
Oh yeah, you gotta continue reading everything from chapter 265 onwards (KZB),
the story is very different compare to the original version.
I can see slight difference in the artist's illustrating style,
also some parts of the KZB story is a little messy....
Ah but at least I know a lil bit more about Shaman King.

Now, part of my life is complete.




Here's KZB online :

Kang Zeng Bang 


And a post talking about the sequence and the extras.

Post

Goosebumps

You must know Akira (1988) and Ghost in The Shell if you're into cyberpunk.

And if you're into percussion, wow.

Was digging out the soundtrack again few days ago and wow, goosebumps all way long.

I checked some interviews and videos about the making of Akira's soundtracks, found out that
they are actually influenced by Bali's percussion instruments!
The music composer and founder of Geinoh Yamashirogumi is actually a Japanese artist and Scientist. WOW!!!!
I like the way the composers compose music for this 2 animations.
Very strong cultural and spiritual music, sci-fi yet authentic, futuristic but still traditional in some ways.
I love the choir + simple percussion line in Kaneda's theme, URGH!!!!

Also I personally think the idea of the line Kiyoko says in Akira (1988)
"the thing about Akira's power is everyone has it at the start." is the same as Lucy (2014) 's concept
of exploring the limits of using human brains. 
Just that Lucy is more scientific. 
Like, actually everyone is able to expand and control the "power" beneath them if they know how to do so.
Scientifically this theory is not proven but it's a futuristic sci fi thought of 
the future of humans and technology. Very interesting. 
Who knows what will happen in the future? 
*AKIRA VS LUCY* JENG JENG JENG*

Inspiring isn't it?
I admire how the Japanese think about the future, in manga and animations.
Like Paprika (2006) VS Inception (2010).
Seriously Paprika needs to be more recognised!
Here's a blog post writing about the difference between Paprika and Inception.

"Paprika and Inception are films based on essentially the same concept: that a technology has been created which can access people’s dreams, people can watch others’ dreams and enter them. InPaprika, the technology is in the hands of scientists but is stolen by a criminal who hacks into dreams, controlling people and causing reality-bending chaos. Inception uses similar ideas but the dream-hacking technology is used by warring bands of super intelligent bandits and strange secret organisations to hack into the dreams of the rich and powerful in order to subtly influence them. Really, the two stories go in fairly different directions from the outset."

By (click to see the post)

After all these written stuff, it reminded me of the live-action remake of Mamoru Oshii's 1995 anime masterpiece, Ghost in the Shell.

Actually I am very disappointed when they select Scarlett Johansson to play the 

main character of Ghost In The Shell in the film remake, probably releasing in 2017.

It confuses my interpretation of the original animation.

The cultural background, OST etc.

It will be westernised. Not that authentic anymore. So sad. :(

It's one of the classic in japanese animation man. 

I'm happy that Akira will remain the same, no remakes.

So, enjoy :

What No Budget Really Means

I found this I thought it's nice to share it out.


http://xandriaooi.co/2015/02/347/

OHM

Finished 2 epic animation and edited quite a lot of my client's photos in 2 days!
Feeling much motivated when I'm alone here.

Although I did not really put much time in doing my own work since
I'm with my grandma and mother, preparing ingredients for chinese new year food,
kuih, etc, I am glad that we arrive Cameron Highlands earlier than before.
At least we could really relax and communicate fully with the old ones.

Today, I used my very first ang pau money to get some new year decoration stuff for my
grandma's place. Her old ones are really really old and dusty, color even faded away,
so I thought I could use some money to replace some of the new year deco.
Heheh, looks better now! And it will look even better in future.

Other than my parents, my love for my grandmother is infinite.
I think I gave her the most money so far. HAHAHAHAHA.
Simply enjoy to see and hear her expression through phone when she found money
under her pillow or anywhere in her room.
It's the same feeling when I feed stray animals, their joyful expression is satisfying.

G R O S S

So my friend told me about the panties case today.
haha was actually quite a loud story.

Okay in short it's about her 28 years old brother in law who's letting
his mother in law (my friend's mother) (not saying which friend is this) washes
his clothing including panties, handkerchief and socks.
You know, most traditional families choose to wash these by hand, same goes
to my friend's family, hand wash!

Her mother washes her panties and maybe her husband's? I'm not sure,
but touching other's panties feels really gross to me.
And is it appropriate to let your mother-in-law wash your panties?
I believe everyone who wears panties knows that panties, bra, are very private in both western and asian culture.
Obviously it sticks to your private parts half a day and have your own germs on it.
Stinks and it has so much germs that you cannot imagine, sometimes liquid?

Hello, you're freakin' 27 years old and you still don't know how to wash your own panties?
Such a shame.  何况自己生活过很多年。
I'm 22 years old already and I wash my own when I bath then just let my mother
simply 过水 and dry them as she washes her's and my dad's. (when im home I help my mother to dry all the cloths)

Will you let you daughter, son, let their mother/father - in- law do these panties washing?

*shakes head*

It will be more than impossible to let my mother washes my husband's panties.
HAND WASH BRO, HAND WASH. I don't even want to touch my boyfriend's panties.
要你老公，老婆的妈妈弯下身子帮你洗你的内裤。
你好不好意思，你自己想想看咯。

If you are reading this, whoever you are, think about it.
You will have your own family, and your own parents in law, or in future your kids will have.
Will you do this to you parents in law? or let your kids do so?
Sigh, right, this world won't be perfect.
So start doing things right, at least to make the society better.

Faith

Okay I start losing faith in trusting men.
Too many stories.


Will I have a good boyfriend / husband in future? : /

自信

Bought this necklace in Chatuchak Market, Bangkok 2 years ago.
Origami swans! 

我爱这围巾！

姐姐分享了一篇文章，有着很多比较胖的自信女孩照片，
打扮时尚魅力，美丽完全不输苗条女生哦！
外国很多plus size bloggers, plus size models 等，多靠他们，plus size 的时尚市场渐渐红起来。
英国有plus size model agencies, 模特都非常可爱自信！是他们让自卑的女性打开心门更爱自己。
我比以前胖很多，以前瘦一些都觉得很不自信，何况现在？
所真的我还没有胆量出街穿无袖衣。总觉得别人在批评。。觉得我难看。。

哎。不过昨晚参加晚宴，我还好咯。
比较自信一些，看见很多嘉宾都是胖胖的，但打扮很美丽，非常有自信！
very inspired. 我也会慢慢自信起来的。 :)

Frustration

Other than design work, I haven't been soooooo frustrated.


Tonight gonna be big, full of dad's colleagues, relatives and strangers.
So, I got my hair done last month, happy, and some new make up tools, excited.
BUT I did not prepare anything to wear, cause I think I have enough?
Somehow I brought a green blouse for CNY only, feeling unsatisfied......

So...... SHOPPING!

In ipoh.
HAHAHAHA. The decent ones are fashion boutiques rather than shopping malls,
cause yeah Ipoh is not that updated in fashion, still.
I was very happy, cause my mother were trying out dresses too, we finished our chores in the
morning and went shopping after that.
Okay I quite like a few maxi dress and when I put it on.
OH MY GOD DISGUSTING.

And every time I try one, I felt more gross.

It's tight, some are unfit, overall, disastrous.
My heart broke and I almost cried in the fitting room.
And the saddest thing is, my mother wasn't telling me the truth, that
some looks awful, or some made me look fatter.
That's really sad.
People who knows who I am knows talking to me must be straightforward,
if not I won't understand how you actually feel.

At the end of the day, my shopping mood from 200% dropped to 0%.
No hope at all.
In the UK it's easy for me since most lines have up to size 16 clothing.
My upper body is size 12 but my ass is 14. So yeah.
It's impossible to find something big in fashion boutiques.
Asian sizes are smaller that Europeans.

I immediately bought vegetables to cook at night.
Diet diet diet.
I don't have a tiny bit of confidence now.
As I walk pass people, my mind will constantly tell me " they find you big, fat and ugly".


Kay, enough of complaints.


I need more time to change myself completely, especially my body.
Actually I know the main reason of me being so bloated is not food but my daily routine,
okay I slept at 1am yesterday, I'm such a good girl already.
And sooner I will spend more effort in changing my routines.
No worries, just feeling very sad all of sudden.

J O B L E S S

Am I the only one who's not having a full time job now?



A week ago, someone told my mother that I shouldn't wander around jobless,
being so chillax at home right in front of me.
Erm, hello, as everyone knows I have already graduated and came back from The UK,
true, no full time job but maybe people shouldn't just assume I am very laid back without asking
for more information about my status.
I am currently occupied with freelance work, just finished another job from my dad,
and another hand I have a long term freelance work to do with my ex classmate Su Tien.
Building a brand for her fitness and healthy living gym isn't easy.
Also I took up a graphic design volunteer for a non profit organisation, and yeah,
charity ain't easy too, they don't have much knowledge in design and file preparation,
so I have to repeat many things in tight deadline.
I have spent a few hours doing that between 11pm - 2 am because the person
in charge of all information has classes to teach and other event roadshow to do.

After not seeing everyone for more than a year, I have the responsibility to accompany my mother
to visit my dearest grandparents.
Then, a few days spent. I gotta go out with my parents for breakfast when my sisters are not around,
and sometime fetch my eldest sister out to do some chores who's living in Ipoh too, half day gone.
Night, when my dad's around I must to have dinner with him cause it's rare to see him home.
My mother is a fit person, so she always drag me to Polo Ground to jog, as you can see I gained at least 10kg after one year in UK.

Come back to my freelance work, hello, I don't really have much time yo.
If I go for a fulltime without finishing everything on hand, do you think I have time for
my unfinished works? My clients will totally hate me.
So common sense, I cannot get a full time before I finish my job.
My clients have things to do too, so they cannot reply me right away on the same day.
I can only prepare more designs and work on other stuff I have when I have some time.
As a human being, I need to eat sleep shit too right?


I felt so offended on the spot.
You haven't even ask what am I doing so far.
Now I see why you don't have a boyfriend after so long.

I hate it when people ASSUME something without confirming what's going on.
And I find it very offensive when someone close to me doubts my morality,
example : Don't you dare doing something hurtful to your dad.
WHAT ON EARTH MAKES YOU THINK I WILL HURT MY DAD,
IN FACT I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH PLEASE.
DID WE JUST MET? DAMN.


Kay, that's all.
Just saying.

Taobao

Actually if you're slim enough, you can just click and receive your new year cloths easily

from Taobao.

I have browsed through Amazon, ebay for a year, buying books and some nonsense,

also ASOS, and some other fashion sites for clothing. 

Personally, Amazon is really good to buy household items and also books, I like it.

Ebay not really, it seems like they don't have much variety, although it's very cheap comparing to other sites.

But TAOBAO, is amazingggggggg.

They have Japanese products, Korean, Chinese, also from Europe!

And the best thing is, when you hover to the product, you can actually see two options,

"look for similar items", or "look for the same item",

then you can compare the design or the price!

That's really awesome! 

I never bought anything from taobao few years ago because the postage system

seems very complicated. But yesterday, not sure what have gotten to me, 

I signed myself up for an account. HAHAHA, the desire of shopping is here.

Checking out what products they have is a joy. XD

Cause I found a shop run by a magazine called The Little Things, 

selling unique brands!!!

If you know Ahcahcum- Muchacha, Unlogical Poem, MICartsy etc independent designers,

THIS IS YOUR HOME. 

And of course they are selling their own magazine on TAOBAO. 

AH!!!! I'm really happy and excited.

Okay, make more money, to tao.

AHHAHAHAHA

Update update

Awesome waffle at Gamuda Walk!!!

This naughty lil boy.

EH HEHHH color looks so good!!!

Thaipusam in Ipoh.

But it's fading.
SIGH. I really like to see my hair red, too bad the cost of maintaining it is very very pricey.
Forgot to mention that, the waffle + cream and ice cream was superb.
OH MY DA BEST EVER.

So I've been volunteering for charity, hmm, I come to a conclusion:
I believe charity workers are really really strong.
My teacher had been doing this more than 3 years, and she took all the responsibilities
to manage all the roadshow and activities in Ipoh all by herself. Strong women.
Sometimes she managed to find a few helpers but still most of the time she carries the stress herself.
Yuan(fate) brought us together, so she could at least throw some design work for me to do.
Poor thing, I must praise her passion and patience.
I never seen such passionate charity worker so far.

Day before Thaipusam, I actually volunteered myself to be part of them to
spread some flyers and promote the 328 smiles yoga event in an Indian Temple, Ipoh.
It was my very first time going to such big Indian celebration in my life.
WOW, I don't see much Indians normally, but that day was a big day that gathers LOTS OF INDIANS in Ipoh. That was a huge crowd!
I arrived there wearing a white Indian ...Dress? Not sari, with a few of the volunteers.
5 of us were wearing something alike, specially for this day as a respect to the Indians and the temple.
Okay, we got our goodie bags ready with some multi language flyers in and water, off we go!
It's actually very hard to promote events, especially by approaching strangers.
Maybe we're one of the 5% chinese in this event, so automatically we drew some attention.
Obviously we look very cute that day, HAHAHA.
But no, it's still very hard to spread the flyers out.

Challenging indeed.
But I spoke to a few friendly indians who explained all the rituals and their beliefs!
I'm glad that I went there. Again, normally I won't be so daring to volunteer myself in these activities,
but this time, I don't know what's in me that kept me so excited about it.
Ended up buying new indian dress cause I couldn't fit into my old Punjabi Dress. SAD.
BUT HAPPY AT THE SAME TIME. New dress yo. HAHAHAHA
So I asked many questions about Hinduism and all the rituals they performed that day.
This friendly Indian Man who has 2 sons with him stood there and explained everything I asked,
from A to Z, very very nice.
He asked me, " do you know why they(some god and godness) won't squash the animals and flowers they're sitting on?".
" It's because, God is not an object, God doesn't have a form, like a soul! That's why God is very light to sit on anything without putting pressure on it."

"OH WOW!!! I SEE"

DNS kacang Putih even sponsored a huge cage and peacocks to showcase them behind the temple!
HUGE CAGE YO. HUGE.
Things he said creates more curiosity to me, I think we were standing there for 15 minutes or more.
Then, I saw 2 half naked man got poured by some water, started to roll on the floor surrounding
the temple. I was like hmm.... what....?
Questions again. HAHA Q&A session last quite long.
I shook his hand and thanked him after I asked enough, brilliant man.
Okay time to do my job. Take some photos. HAHAHAHA.
Then I bought some indian desserts and snacks. Actually I was really hungry before arriving,
I went there with an empty stomach. As soon as I arrived I felt alright, not hungry anymore. Strange right?
I learnt a lot of things about Hinduism that day, never felt so good to be part of the celebration!
They say we can also go in and pray or meditate if we want to.
You know what, after involving myself in this celebration, I felt more like a Malaysian.
Understanding our fellow Malaysian's culture and people do creates a bond with them and the country, it's not like, we know they are indians and they celebrate Thaipusam.
It's more in depth, at least a better knowledge of their religion right?
Indians are really awesome, 99% of them whom I spoke to speaks English very well!
Very surprised actually! I though most of us Malaysians don't speak english that well. AHAHHA

Fascinating experience.
Now I know why they offer milk to God but not water nor coke!

truth is

That post about the romantic english man is true but the kisses aint true,
except the last kiss. AHAHAHHAHAHA

I was writing it to experiment something.

OPPPS!!!

很饿的人

我觉得这一个和上一个post是血来纪念这些人的。
虽然相处时间不长，可是很值得留念，他们带给我精彩的生活。

这个很饿的人呢，感觉上我看见她我也会觉得饿，因为实在太瘦了啦。
我见到他时，我还问他有没有吸毒。哈哈哈哈哈我好坏。
好啦这个是个匈牙利人，在伦敦工作的匈牙利人。hungarian, from Hungary, so
hungary = hungry, hahahahaha.
我们在一间西饼店认识，因为他拿货去店嘛，然后我在店里买饼，
就这样和我聊起来然后认识的。

他叫Csaba, pronounce as Cha Ba, 不是cas ba.
也是家里第二，可是这个比较安静，看起来很fragile的样子。
所以看起来不像是会骗人的人，也不是很凶的，经过相处后我觉得还是我比较脾气不好。
哈哈哈哈哈哈。不过很明显我改变了很多咯。
这个人很重要，没有他，我不会有现在会爱自己的我。
没有他，我会继续堕落下去，永远的沉在自卑的大海里。
虽然说faiz是我很大的依靠，也是一个让我有自信的人，可是csaba也一样帮助到我，
让我勇敢的在美女如云的伦敦穿我自己想穿的。
我都写过几个post关于csaba,可是这个应该是更detail 的了。

毕业后，我搬到他那里住了十天。
也许是失恋后想寻找个依靠，反正我们也认识了那么久。
我们曾经因为很复杂的事吵了架，也不是恋人，
友情也淡化了。可是有很复杂的我们变成了好朋友。
这十天感觉上我们很像恋人，就算是吧！
我有去过他家吃饭所以我回去，去的那天我父母回国了，
csaba也去上班，就我一个人搬着很大的行李到达他家门口。
不是搞笑，要爬楼梯，我也搬不动了，幸好他的flatmate刚巧再煮晚饭，
很热心的帮我搬行李上楼，真好人。
他问我行李到底装了什么呀，那么重！我所就给你们的手信啊，哈哈哈哈。
那的确是嘛，我妈妈为了感谢csaba对我的照顾，从大马买了个电饭锅给他煮饭！
我们就为了他那么辛苦的搬上搬下。
也好，因为他煮的饭实在是。。。。。不能呀。。。。
老外果然不是饭米达人。

第一晚，我就放下行李，自己搭巴士去找东西吃。
吃饱了再买一些菜回去准备隔天做饭，人家给我地方住嘛，当然要客气点，
会做人一点啦，买一些好的因为它吃东西很随便，一看就知道不够营养。
就这样又回家了，把东西放好帮他整理房间一下就开电脑做工。
我知道他几点回来，我也工作到很夜，就等一下咯，想给他惊喜。
哈哈哈哈。我就假装睡着。
他回来了，轻轻地开门关门，我东西放下然后过来看我是否再睡。哈哈哈
他带了我喜欢的cheesecake回来，因为他记得我有说过我喜欢吃。
很贴心，这几天完全不像以前的他！
他好像变开心了，正面了，有可能是上课的关系吧！
基本上那几天早上都是他准备早餐，还拿进房里给我，然后晚上我们一起煮。
我教会他用电饭锅了！现在没有我在他也能顺利地使用，还介绍给室友用。

有一天我们有些小吵闹，我们两都有点不开心。
结果我们两人都哭了。
又度过我以前写的post都知道我喜欢在我面前哭的男生，哈哈哈。
就觉得这种人是能完全在我面前放下自尊放声哭的，觉得我可靠。
本来生气的人是我，结果最后反过来是我哄他呢，真好笑。
我喜欢他骂我。哈哈哈哈哈好man哦！！！
我和我的好朋友Yvonne & Vincy就是这种喜欢被男朋友骂的人。:P

嘿嘿，这个匈牙利人很好笑的，在英国生活后期乐翻了。
他有很多说不完的笑点。以前他个性很闷，话不多，现在就多了咯，比较38.
很高兴的事为了早庆祝我的生日，他买了Metronomy的gig ticket.
这是人生第一次看小型演唱会呢。我们在London Alexandra Palace 看，
很古典的地方哦，而且超多人的啦！！！大家早早就坐在那里等了。
是他让我认识Stimming, Metronomy, 等乐队歌手，让我深入踏入electronic music 世界，
听见很多deep electronic, downtempo music.
就在他们演奏The Upsetter的时候我哭了。
果然很upset.
我知道他喜欢我，可是我们没办法认真。
种种因素导致我们怀疑对方，况且我还没有工作，他还没有毕业，还在半工读。
那天我们很开心呀，还打包了kebab回家。
他也把我带到winter wonderland, 超开心的呢！！！
我第一次去呀，本来是打算和朋友前年去的说。
后来我们也去了portobello market一次，他没去过。
我在哪里遭到了我很想很想吃的waffles,在马来西亚没什么机会吃到。
吃吃下竟然弄脏了我的白色衬衫！！！我好伤心都快哭了。
我最喜欢的衬衫！难得穿那么没出去玩！而且他前几天弄到我很生气。
算了，我完全没食欲。然后就去了一个bar. wow里面的音乐是我们的菜！
bartender是日本人，不晓得为什么知道Nujabes后我就觉得喜欢嘻哈的日本人特别有good taste.
好酷的bar, 好多很好听的funk soul jazz hiphop!
chilling to the max man. 我们在那里喝了两杯就回家去。

他半工读，很辛苦，也是个很省的人。
冬天到了，他的scarf真的是薄到不像话！完全不保暖！
就趁他要我陪他去买给他哥哥孩子的圣诞礼物时顺便看看有没有
适合又保暖的围巾。 有！！！ 在River Island, 颜色和我的很像。
它本来都不喜欢红色的，可是当我问他喜不喜欢的时候他说他喜欢，
我觉得原因可能是刚巧他看见window display的狗狗带着同样的围巾很可爱。哈哈哈。
那条围巾薄可是很暖，很滑，不想我自己的，有点刺刺，不太舒服。
就趁他不注意时把它买下了，然后亲自帮他打围巾。
这就是送给他的圣诞礼物。我就知道他不可能会买好的，新的。
为了报答他，二话不说就这一条！哈哈哈。
虽然钱包有点流血。
毕竟是我freelance的钱呀。
那天后他就每天带着这一条围巾上学出街，很开心的样子。

最伤心的其实是他没送我飞机。
我们又是有想过，可是。。很多原因，真的没办法。
有时候我们觉得我们之间有爱，可是有时候又没有。
有时认真，有时又怀疑自己的感情。这个双子座，我有点掌控不了。
在一起的这段时间我们成长了许多，我们也知道我们正真的问题在哪里。
其实我的英国生活除了读书，认识很多人，我也很欣慰我遇到像他那样好的贵人。
他就一直很照顾我，（虽然我也像妈妈般照顾他）。
就这个人让我真正懂得享受当下生活，把相机放一旁出去走。
让我大胆的玩，不怕丑，不怕别人的眼光。
说真的我还有一点介意啦，但是明显比以前好很多。
我们依然是很要好的朋友，我家人也很喜欢他，都说如果有机会来肯定会
让他免费住下来免费在家吃，带他去玩之类的。
其实我和他，承认有拍拖啦。也承认我们曾经在一起过，所以他现在是我前男友吧。
很疼我，我都知道，我也会记住的。
我记性不是很好，所以就靠这个blog记录我的回忆。

浪漫的诗人

我发觉到，我中意的男生类型是外婆和我妈妈的intercepting point.
外婆喜欢干净的，剃了胡子在脸上留下一点灰灰色的脸。
我妈呢有时喜欢浪子型的。
哇这两个加起来不得了。

虽然很正点，可是经过试验，我发觉到我很喜欢脸唱的男神。
主要是有着很美的笑肌，高挑的体格，加上干净的脸。
有时候又胡渣没关系，哈哈哈哈。
然后很有杀伤力的是。。。
有点下垂的浓眉呀。。。。。

好像LEE PACE就对了！！！

好优哦。

我在英国偶遇一个很有艺术气息的editor,名字虽平凡，但是好适合呀。
叫做William. 我强烈觉得他是william shakespeare, or William Blake 的后人。
读的是english literature, 在一家出版舍做editor. 兴趣是：
sculpting, stopmotion animation, poetry, arts... 也是个猫世家。
喜欢去博物馆，去画廊,poetrynight。
哇，不是搞笑哦，他喜欢的画家市Monet! 多浪漫的画风呀！！！
呜，而且他是知识分子，我和他谈天无比紧张呀。

 一开始见面完全是因为我想知道他的工作环境背景，
毕竟是有关publishing嘛。
我不知为何，胆生毛，有够大胆的和他见面。
还蛮高的呀。。。。。鼻子高高尖尖的，眼睛是浅蓝色的，很漂亮。
脸蛋滑滑的，有着我们喜欢的胡须印，灰灰的。
他有着白白的肌肤，浅褐色的头发稍微有点凌乱，带着非常绅士的笑容走向我say hi.
看得出这个人不是什么fashionista, 这个是more like an artistic nerd, geek.
不知道，有点好笑，明明穿着的是一件酒红色的Topshop Pea Coat, 脚踩着黑色Dr Martens高boots. 是不是觉得很赞？可是他的配搭有点off.
牛仔裤的cutting颜色。。和他一眼都能看得出的两件式衣服和内衣。瓦拉奥。
他的coat还是开着的，好像一点都不冷似的。开玩笑，已经是冬天啦！
搞笑。真的很好笑。

嘿嘿，这个不是典型的帅哥啦，但是他笑起来真的好好看。
我有朋友说他看起来很老，明显是衣服搭配和头发。明明可以好看。。。。
我们第一趟就去pub, 说真的我好害羞。可能也是他很高的关系。
穿了有3-4cm高的鞋子依然是头到他肩膀，高我一粒头多吧！
也许是第一次和英国男生单独出去，我话都说不正，眼睛不敢直视，
害羞至极！说真的啦，男性朋友真的不多，所以我不习惯和男生独处。
我们走路时说话，他会稍微头靠我这一边听我说话，好绅士哦。
有什么都是我先，真的是english gentleman.
完全不会说难听的话，非常有礼貌和客气的对谈，还会很礼貌地点头微笑。
哇，我从来没遇见这么优雅的人咯。女生都没有。
他家里第二，唯一的儿子，生在一个很DIY, handcraft的家庭。
他的mittens是妈妈Knit的呢，还有他喜欢的猫，鱼骨之类的可图案在上面。
虽然有点不像普通的搭配小物，但是还真的看得出这个人很family guy.


嗯，这个人体格范围很广，从classical到metal，什么都有。
很好笑的事，这个人再用它大学学到的知识来观察我。可惜呀，get错完！
我因为不好意思看着他的脸，所以一直都在望其他地方，其他人。
他就觉得我是对隔壁的一群在玩darts的睡个有兴趣！ 不是咯，虽然有几个很帅。。。。
顶不顺。。。还说我对bar boy有兴趣。。。很明显那个人是gay。。。。。
他说他有学语言方面的心理学，哈哈哈哈，看得出他一直在观察我。
时候我当然有告诉他我不习惯看着别人眼睛说话，很害羞嘛。。
不知道他想不相信。哈哈哈哈。
结果我们后来去吃Nachos, 好赞的呀！！！不是马来西亚吃的那种哦！！！
很好笑的是，我用吸管玩我cocktail里的薄荷叶，他也拿着他的一起玩。
然后还用手指flirt我的手指。walao.我这种亚洲女生很passive的咧，吓到我咯。
我来打听publishing company的东西而已咧，完全没有想别的咯。
他请客，完了他就中我到tube station,刚踏出餐厅就牵我的手，哇，手脚很快hor?!
我稳咯，你每个date都这样哦，他说不是，只有他觉得能沟通得来的就会主动。
哦。。。。。。。。可是我国的文化不同呀，你那么快我会觉得你很厉害讨女生欢心的咧。
虽然我有爽到，但是有点怀疑。哈哈哈哈

无所谓，他就坐在我隔壁等我下tube。
他看到我含着一根头发就很绅士的帮我撩开我的头发。
哇对面的女生在瞪我咧。。。
你不要对我那么好咯。。。
临走前他还问我愿不愿意和他拥抱，看在他要赶火车的份上我就拒绝了，
毕竟他家很远，miss了火车很麻烦。
拍拍他的头说声thank you and see you again我就走了。
我回头望一下，他没看我哦。这个人沉醉在他自己的诗里吗？

结果我飞回马来西亚的前一天我和他有约。
反正我也必须要见我姐夫的朋友，吃个饭什么的。
顺便有时间见见这位文学家咯。
那一天，好浪漫。我们两都觉得如果我们同在一国的话一定会再约会。
我们没做什么，就约会呀。
我后来才得知原来英国人所谓的约会是：
和对方吃顿饭，走走。如果对方互相产生好感的话就会end up with a hug or even a kiss.
我们就是这样啊。哈哈哈，对我来说好新鲜，也觉得好惊喜，没想到
他会那么主动。我们走在街上他会一直告诉我她看到asian western couple,
不知道是不是在说我们也像他们一样。不懂，这个人的表达方式很深奥，
我这种平民是get不道的咯。
我们去了national art gallery, 和对方分享自己对画有什么感觉。
这是可我感觉好难得，难得有人会这样看画。
我认识的朋友里只有几个会那样，看画看很久，所以遇到到底英国人一起看，
感觉实在有趣！这个人连走路都有风，和谁说话都那么有礼貌。
我们也去了winter wonderland,人山人海呀那一天，都快被挤死了，他们又那么高。
矮人真的在这种环境会变疯子。
我们在冷冷的环境里享受cider and mulled wine, 在一个休息亭里安静了一下。
好冷呀！还好没下雨！我把厚厚的围巾静静的包着自己都还不够暖。
出乎意料，我们那天比较亲近，不说话都不尴尬。
比较习惯了对方的pattern吧。
然后他就忽然放下就请拉了我的围巾一下，吻了。
世界好像瞬间停了。这个人的吻也好温柔，轻轻的。他有低下头弯腰哦。
真绅士，不然我的颈真会断掉呢。
我觉得这个吻是目前最有杀伤力的，一百巴仙肯定是。
我们好像吻了几分钟，完了我就不好意思的忘了周围，哇。。
别人都在看。。。。。不要这样咯你们这些英国人，自己人在街上深吻就很普通，
英国人和亚洲人就好像很与众不同那样。。。有够尴尬的。
我都快把头埋子地上了咯。。。。
我们都还害羞，他就静静的把酒喝完然后把我的雨伞挂在自己的手上走人。
就这样我们走了几圈，也吻了几次。omg. hahahahahahhahaha.
快尾声了，他也送我去tube station,也是一起搭到某个地方就分开下车。
接近station时我们竟然在一个安静的街边又吻过。
这次好久，而且下了一点细雨，好浪漫，是漫画情节里的真人版。
很明显我们有好感，但是不行呀，再见咯。
他下车前说如果我还在英国他会继续带我出去玩，还说了我们以后肯定会见面。
我doubt咯，然后他接着说他是optimist,会就是会，还说他可能会拿假来大马。
哈哈，这个人真会把结局铺的好好的。说话什么都是正面！
过后轻轻的先给我一个吻就走了，头也不回的飘着走。
不知道他是在耍酷还是没留念。我们同星座，所以我有时会发觉我们有点像。
这个shakespeare还真的gentleman,再见他欠我告诉他我会穿一样的大衣过来，
因为另一件大衣不够暖。想不到见他那天她也穿了一样的大衣，
说他不想令我feel bad,说一也穿了第一天见面那间就红色pea coat.
好体贴啦！


to sum up，
他完成了我少女漫画的漫画情节，还要是晚上在london street!!!
这个人让我发觉到原来还真的有这种对艺术那么热情的人。
当然我也见识到这个人的头脑真的装了很多很多书，很有墨水的哦。
最后我也真正了解到英国人话里话真的好难道德清楚。
虽然很像我们大马的所花方式，但毕竟不是生长在同一过度的关系，
会有点挣扎判断话里的意思。
遇见这个人对我来说是个很好运的事。
那时候我还带着悲伤去见他呢，因为和前男友的某些事。
虽然见面只有短短的两天时间，但我们聊了蛮多的，呵呵。
这个人是学习的对象。恋人吗？no no no, 他有可能是男神，
但现在还不是时候。我不想和任何人开始，（虽然很dry）
哈哈哈哈哈 太烦了呀，而且没适合的！

Chilly Gonzales

I found him few years ago, before he helped Daft Punk with their new album.
Got no idea how I found his music on youtube, hahaha.

I love his Piano Solo album.
Here's a link to his live concert in Munich, free download via soundcloud.
Live performance is exciting, he added new stuff and made his work a twist!
So yeah, anyone who likes piano, check it out :

https://soundcloud.com/chillygonzales/munich-21-nov-2012

Red Shade

That's when I'm close to natural sunlight.

Indoor

Yup indoor looks darker. :D

Celeb Trendz!
Member price is about rm250+, added a conditioner, so it's like 300+ in the end.
I'm feeling good, battery recharged.
This is the shade I got for myself after I reach Malaysia.
Retouched a little before I attend my graduation ceremony.
It's really bright now, but after 2 months, the color looks more natural and slightly darker.
More like rose red. Pretty good color. But when it fades away leaving
my hair having uneven brown shades with grey hair sucks.
My grey hair turns me off so much.

Andrew Bird

In case you don't know Andrew Bird, the American instrumental musician.
Argh, another great musician.
Those Violin. ARGH.

magician?

I was last week, my hair color is extremely disgusting on this photo.

Forgot when I had the courage to buy and wear a hat.
I guess UK made me do that :)
Pinterest is a great place, been using that since few years ago, and it has so many ideal looks
that I wanted to own, like blouse with long coat plus a hat on ma head.
Very cute, too bad that I wasn't confident enough to make myself look better.
Now I took up this task to be happy. Plain self satisfaction.

Time won't wait for you, your eyes, skin and boobs with lose it's shape.
So, I'm gonna wear deep V in a year's time. HAHA let me slim down my arms first!

Owen Pallett

I'm not sure who I knew first, Andrew Bird or Owen Pallett,
but I'm always fascinated by Owen's music.
Sometimes he has this Orchestral and electronical mix in his works.
Fantasy folkish feeling, I like it. And his previous album is pretty cute,
many funny song titles.
They're really nice.
I missed his performance in London, sigh. I love him. MAN!!!!!

Very good friends

Yvonne, from TOA.

Vincy, from AMC.

Catherine, from University of Hertfordshire.

Ever since my graduation ceremony, I've been keeping myself at home most of the time.
Not sure why, but I really don't feel like going out.
But these people clearly have certain aura that made me want to see them.
I met Catherine first, we have not met each other for many months after leaving our course around October.
She's the Malaysian neighbour opposite my room in UK, very friendly and funny!
Hardworking and awesome girl. REALLY.
She's the one who took care of me when I'm ill, making Liang Cha for me. wow.

Basically these few people have this 38 aura when there's with me.
Whenever I see them, we'll automatically start to be like aunties, talking loudly and joking all the time.
It feels like we got no secrets between each other and we have our own way of communication.
So Cat came to Ipoh to visit me, and I drove her around and of course, it's a foodie meet up.
Curry mee la! hahahaha. It's a must man!

Then Vincy, came back to Malaysia after staying in USA for 3,4 years.
We have not met each other ever since we graduated from secondary school, form 5.
She's a smart ass girl who's supposed to be studying something about science but
dramatically changed her pathway to a photography course in USA.
Very artistic isn't it? We discussed about arts, photography, relationship, everything.
Although we're not contacting frequently, our bond never fades, after 5 years, we're still
so chit chatty, so excited every single time we meet. Need more time seriously.
We met twice, yumcha for once and I stayed over at her place for a day about a week after meeting her.
We got a lot in common man. A LOT. She's back in USA now, doing her degree.
Pretty sure she's studying really hard now :D
I am sure that we'll meet somewhere in future, as a professional, collaborating :)

And today, I met Yvonne.
My classmate since foundation year! She's always funny, I guess it's her gesture and her speaking style. AHHAHAA.
Very 38, like me. We'll be extremely noisy when we meet up, I cannot help it. HAHAHA
We can laugh without manners. AHAHAA really fun.
She's really cute, hahaha her pattern is very solid, you can tell that she has a unique way in saying things, expressing herself. XD
We met before I have my hair colored, again, red! Just nice for CNY! AHAHHA
That's not my main purpose of having my hair colored red of course.
I was supposed to meet others too but oh well, not everyone has time, most of them started working already.


Not saying I only have 3 good friends, I have a few more too!
Just that we didn't had time to meet up and be silly.
It's hard to travel around you know :\
I met a few more but we didn't take photos together :(
Jyemin, Senghong Angie, ys, suhan, Jing, etc.
These people are really cute, I like to hangout with them, of course I will never forget my
marching band mates! come on yo!!!
We'll have chance to meet, no worries!

10k smiles yoga!!!

Helped my dearest sister to make up a little.
HAHAHA PRETTY LADY!

So I signed up 10k smiles yoga as a volunteer!
Designer for sub stuff and also roadshow worker. HAHAH!!

Breathe

After 6 days of the Breathing Class (The Happiness Programme), 

I feel alive, different, relaxed, and most importantly, inspired.

It's a programme designed by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, the founder of The Art of Living,

also the inventor of Sudarshan Kriya ( Breathing Based Technique ).

Which was what I have learnt in that 6 days.

I believe it's Fate that leads me here.

Many years ago, lots of friends invited me to join many fitness classes, 

or health related programmes, but I never showed up in any classes. 

It was my eldest sister who introduced me this programme, after seeing my

sick zombie face and listening to all my stories in UK, studying and working as a freelance Designer.

I wasn't so sure about this programme at first, because it's related to Yoga and Meditation.

My sister and my mother tried out a meditation class before and it sounds horrifying, those 

weird stuff going on while you're meditating, all your worse imaginations will scared the shit out of you. 

Yeah, I took their experienced seriously, hahaha so I always think meditating is the door to your ultra

fear in you, the door to realising the worst you. 

I don't know man, it just scares me. :| 

So I didn't actually remember the happiness programme thing, until my mother mentioned it again.

Hmm, feels quite cincai, I simply agreed to attend the class so my sister booked a place for me.

Deep in my heart, I was struggling.

Didn't really wanted to go, but I got no idea how I send up there with myself in

a loose t-shirt and my H&M legging. 

Man, just like that? I never thought of "changing myself", or "getting ready to be inspired".

I always thought it's like a yoga thing, full of youngsters, but it turned out to be all aunties. HAHAHA.

SO my confidence level raised a little, because no pretty girls will be thinking

why this fatty ugly girl is attending such tough class. 

Yup, yoga to me is a scary thing because it's always occupied with pretty young hot ladies,

even aunties have hot bodies, hmm, feeling very uncomfortable in such environment.

The first day was awesome, even though I didn't sleep early after the 3 hour class, 

I felt better! Physically! because it's really soothing, I didn't check the time at all. 

3 hours just flew away! POW!

The next day, I woke up 3 minutes before my alarm clock rings. DAMN!

And I felt so energetic instantly, like it's unlike me, normally I will wake up feeling lazy!

It's the first sign of positive health improvement. 

More techniques and yoga styles were taught by our teacher day by day. 

I felt more involved in the class due to group discussions and sharing session, bonding me

to the other friendly aunties. 

I felt good in this class, Guruji (sri sri) really planned this class well, from 0 - inspired.

I didn't expect anything, but many signs came to me, leaving me shocked, telling everyone about

what positive changes I had after the class. 

The last time I had my period was October.

Ever since then it disappeared, took holiday leave huh?

the 4th day after attending 3 classes, my period came back right after my sisters were saying

my it will come after few months practicing the breathing technique.

HO LY MO LLY. WOW!!!!!

It's one sign! Making me believe it this! 

Another sign was the changes in my reactions towards complaints.

I always feel bad for the person who tell me their stress, or problems at work or home,

so I can't really give much positive feedbacks. 

A friend of mine were telling me about him/her problem, and my reaction was so calm.

Very calm until I want to make this person appreciate the moment. 

You know what's awesome about the programme?

It's the flow of Guruji's concept of life. 

There are many teachings I already knew, like we shouldn't care about how people judge us,

or we should enjoy the moment and be happy. Come on it's everywhere, in religion, university, tumblr,

pinterest, blogs, quotes by successful people!

Isn't it? We all know all of these good qualities that we should learn. 

But actually how many of the inspirational quotes inspired you? 

Like really really makes you understand everything. erm, 1, 2? or non?

In this 6 days, I'm really inspired, my mid had opened up for happiness.

Not to say 100%, but at least I cleared part of my negativity out. 

I have new perspective of certain incidents, new concept of life, fresh ideas in improving myself.

It's truly life changing. I am really glad that I participate in the programme!

领悟和知道有很大差别， 真的，这六天我没白来。

About my fear of meditation....

You know what I had in mind when I meditate?

First 3 days :

SEX. What on earth am I doing man. 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

NO GHOST, NO DISGUSTING STUFF, OR CREEPY WEIRD THINGS.

But simply... sex. 

Not for long of course, cause I need to focus in breathing.

My breathing will mess up when I started imagining things AHHAHA

4th day onwards, I mainly focus in relaxing my body and focusing in breathing only,

not sexual pleasure anymore. 

4th day onwards, I have this feeling of not willing to go, cause 3 hours or 4 is a little too much,

plus I hate my legs being numb when we meditate. Maybe that's the main reason.

But partially, the reason was my work. I started doing work quicker than I imagined!

So yeah 6 hours for work is not enough for me. I want to do more, and more, and more.

I had many ideas in my mind when I meditate actually, until I feel like doing work right

on the spot.

haha, see, it's beneficial :)

Unexpectedly good. 

Of course I'm not saying I'm God-Like after this 6 days. Impossible bro.

But overall, I see quite a lot of improvements.

More to come! WOOHOO!!!

Oh yes, Christmas.

Why, fatty reindeer.
Sangat gaya that day.

HAHA my dad wore batik shirt that day,
thats his pattern for "important day".

Ma sisters, mother of 2 kids and wife of their loved one.

Actually uploading my own photos here are just for myself to see.
HAHAHAHAHA Not for you guys.
I don't post photos of myself on facebook or anywhere else.
So this is a must for me to see how much I have changed.

Little reindeer Wawa!

I think right, days before all my nephews and niece goes to school,
family reunion dinner is a hectic time for all of us.
Cause we all have to focus on the kids more than anyone there.
I guess we can only have very relaxed and peaceful meals after 2 years. AHAHA

Anyway, Happy Birthday to myself.

I no longer feel excited, happy, nor special.
Maybe it's the point of our child-liked personality fades.
No, I still need this, I still need to be simple and happy.

When there's birth, people around are all happy but it's the opposite when we die.
I want to tell my family, friends and kids that my death in future, it's a celebration for me.
A celebration of the end of my journey. I see it as my last graduation ceremony.
This course is serious, tough and it's the longest in our lives.
Takes so much patience, hardwork, realisation to finish it beautifully.

Ah, I want that day to be sunny, happy and satisfied.
Hopefully :D

Happiness Programme

Seeing me suffering with stress, hormone imbalance issues, my dearest eldest sister signed
me up for a 6 day Breathing and Meditation programme, called The Happiness Programme.

I still remember me attending Latin Class with my mother, it's hell.
Few years ago, honestly, I hate attending all the fitness classes, or dance classes.
Probably because my self-esteem is real low, the lowest in my life.
If I were to attend this breathing class few years ago, I will probably find 100 excuses to not go.

So I attended my first class today, 7pm-10pm.

Unexpected, I am the only youngster there!
It's not a huge class, about 8-10 people attended, mostly aunties, only one man.
The teacher is soooo young, such a cute girl.
We kind of had a little bit of group sharing activity, introducing ourselves,
sharing what are we expecting from this programme, and what bothers us a lot in our life.
Talking about that, I think I wrote the longest list of problem I'm facing now.
All the aunties are so happy with their lives, so positive! DANG I am such a depressing, unsatisfied person.
Okay whatever, I am here to learn, and probably change.
I hope it helps!

The teacher taught us some breathing method and wow, I do feel more calm.
I see things clearer after meditating, definitely understand my body more.
I'm gonna be a vegetarian for 6 days, no tea no coffee, no meat no eggs.
I shall see what happens after this week! I'm so excited. AHAHAH.

Still heavy

Hmm, I lost 5 kg in 3 months, but after I came back from UK
I actually gained back 3kg.
Been jogging everyday already, why am I still so heavy?
And my tummy is still bloated.

Started eating clean recently.
Hope it helps, urgh.....
QUICK I WANT TO SLIM DOWN!!!
QUICK ANOTHER 5KG!!!
QUICK I WANT MY HORMONES BALANCED!!!
QUICK I NEED PERIOD!!!
QUICK I WANT TO WEAR MY DENIM SHORTS!!!

Started sketching again!

Yup that's me.

Trying some minimal new styles.

Rainy Days in Ipoh

It was very sunny!!! Beautiful!

But it started raining after 15 minutes I took the sunny photo.
It's the view from my room window.
It's like snowing isn't it?
Very very rainy this few months.

Ah rain rain, you should visit somewhere else.
Malaysia is flooding everywhere, not a good end for 2014 and start for 2015 :(

The rain here is definitely heavier than what I experienced in UK.
This kind of rain in Malaysia is quite harsh, like the sky is throwing stones on you, not like those soft and smooth rain in UK.
Ouch man, it's so painful outside.

哭笑不得

终于，被guilt埋没了那么多个月后我才知道真相。


我在这位先生的车里，吃着它买回来的polish chocolate,
深思着我到底因该怎么继续我们的话题。
也许是我犯贱，问了又问，终得面对面问多一次，
结果我还是忍不住问到底，到底是什么原因他放弃了这感情。

问了那么多次，终于他说了。

我自己后来有点吓到为什么我的反应竟然是那么的awesome.
我听了他的理由后，我手搭着他瘦瘦又结实的肩膀笑了。
unbelievable， I never see this coming.

我有点哭笑不得。但是我还是笑了，叹气了。
原来事情是那么的简单！
种种的问题和矛盾就来自于那个最终理由。
成绩根本不是问题了。对我来说，英国改变了我。
我再也不会觉得成绩能define一个人的知识和实力。
我也很surprised, 我完全没有觉得失望，
完全没有觉得差劲！反而我想支持他，鼓励他！
虽然分开的其中一原因是他觉得我给他很多压力，加上其他方面的压力，
让他觉得透不过气，但是！
我没有非常在乎。我在乎的是，我们在一起3年多，
他竟然没敢坦坦白白的说清楚真相。
这是我的failure. 我没能成为他真正的好朋友，没能成为一个好恋人。
这方面，是我的失败。我成熟的迟了点，我思维改变的迟了点，
让我错过了很多美好的事物。
如果我能早一些聪明的对待他，用更好的方式鼓励他，
我们不会沦落到此地步。

换着是没去英国的我，我肯定不能接受这成绩呀。
看，我也改变了很多。
不能就努力，管他失败了多少次。
成绩不是一切。出来拼肯定不是单考成绩就能赚更多。
所以在英国的日子我醒悟了。

不过说实话，我现在真的舒服很多很多。
我已经不再在乎我们的以后，因为从现在开始，
我们两都能完全投入我们的新生活，干干净净的开始没有对方的日子,
也能重新认识对方。
我相信他的坦白都能使我们进步的更多更快，我能肯定，
下一次我们见面，我们肯定能展现出更成熟的自己。

你不再爱我的事实，我最后终于接受了。

谢谢你的坦白。